Chapter 45

  “Hey, we are going to Vegas for the wedding.  Leaving Saturday and coming home on Tuesday.  $200 a person for airfare.”

‘What airline?  Who is going?’

“Southwest.  Amanda and I.”

‘How did you find that price?’

“Amanda found it.  Southwest was having a sale.  It ended yesterday.  Check Frontier, they’re having a sale too.”

‘Okay, I’ll have to look.’

“Look into flying to Denver then to Vegas.  It’s cheaper.”

‘I don’t have anyone to cover my room, so I’ve been looking at flights to come home on Sunday.’

“See how much it would be to come home Saturday night.”

‘Won’t work.’

“What is your total if you came home on Sunday?”

‘Almost $1000.’

“Yikes!  A person or total?”

‘Total.  For Clint and I.’  

“Well, that’s not good.  Keep looking for flights.”

‘If just might not work out for me.  It will be alright.  Clint said we could do an all-nighter. Haha.’

“Keep trying.  We want you guys to come too.”

‘Clint said… If I can’t get off work, he will just go without me.  Ok, fine.  You guys have fun!’

“We would have a good time.  Lol.”

‘Ha!  You probably would.’

Saturday, August 20^th, 2016…

  “Not a good day.”

‘Oh boy.  Do you need anything?’

“No, I am good.  Just resting.”

‘Do you have a fever?’

“Not right now.  What have you been doing today?”

‘My boys went the drag races.  Is it bad that I have spent the entire day watching ‘Reba’?  What a bum.’

“No.  I haven’t done anything either.”

‘Are you feeling crappy?’

“A little.  I am ok.  I’m doing better.”

‘Someone commented on Rachel’s Facebook page under that picture of you and her dancing.  They said, this picture needs to be on the cover of a book.  See… We need to put your story to a book.  Here’s another sign saying so.  Plus, Clint keeps pushing me to write it.’

“You better get on it.”

‘I’m sitting here looking at my notes, I have over 80!  We can have a second book with that many.  We could title one of them… Pep Talks!  Ha!’

“Lol.  Yes, we have a lot to talk about.”

‘Okay, I will start on it this winter… Maybe.’

“Sounds great!  I can help you.  I am not a writer though.”

‘I guess I should have kept that first set of texts!!  Hahaha!  Did you laugh?’

“Lol.  Yes, I’m laughing.”

‘Hey, read this…  I saw it on Facebook.  It was on the ~Love What Matters~ page… “Last night I bought a sunflower to put on the windshield of someone I’m smitten with.  After some consideration, I decided not to since we had only been on one date, the night previous.  Don’t want to come off too strong, right?  Anyway, I grabbed the flower on my way out this morning with the intention to give it to someone on my way to work so it didn’t die alone.  What happened next has left me changed in ways I don’t even have words for yet.  While I was sitting and drinking my morning joe at the coffee shop (which I typically take to go), I saw a woman reading something with tears quietly and quickly sliding down her pale face.  It was like there was a magnet in the sunflower that was being drawn to her because I knew in that moment, she was who I was going to give the sunflower to; she was who I had to give it to.  When I got to her table I said, ‘Hey, pardon me.  I have this sunflower that I was hoping to give to someone special and that someone I had in mind didn’t work out, but I can feel that you’re special too, so I want you to have it.’  Before I could even hand her the sunflower, this complete stranger flew into my arms with tears flowing, and gratitude spewing, as if I was someone she once loved, and lost.  It’s what she said next that I’m still trying to grip.  She was crying because her fiancé had died the week before, just months before they were going to get married.  On their first date he brought her a sunflower and from then on, got her sunflowers, never roses, because she was the light of his life.  Today, through me, he was able to show her that she’ll always be the light of his life and how we as humans have a message to carry that goes far beyond words.  I’m shaken, awaken and feeling raw.  You never know how much a simple gesture of giving someone a $5 flower will change their life, as well as yours.  Life is about giving and being a service to others.  I challenge you all to find a way to make someone else’s life just a little bit brighter today and be of service.  You never know the impact you could have.”  #LoveWhatMatters.  Submitted by Danny Wakefield ~’

“That was good.  Thanks.  I needed a good cry today.”

Group text…

  Deb… ‘Hey, check this out.  They rescheduled the Breast Cancer night at the K. (The Royals game).  Have you used your raincheck tickets yet?’

Laura… “No not yet.”

Luisa… “Did that come out today?”

Deb… ‘I guess so.  We should go.’

Monday, August 22^nd…

  ‘How was your day?’

“It was good.  Went to the store and had breakfast out with David.  Came home and cleaned the living room and the hallway.  Went to work for a while.  Now home resting.  Are you busy Thursday afternoon?”

‘I’m not sure.  We might be going out of town for a couple of days.  We haven’t decided yet.  Why?  What’s up?’

“I have the kids for the afternoon and overnight.  Thought maybe you could help me a little.  Maybe go to the park or something.  No worries if you can’t.”

‘If we don’t go, I should be able to.  We will be deciding soon.  We talked about leaving on Wednesday and coming back on Friday.  Right now, we are watching the weather.’

“Why are you so quiet?”

‘I am quiet???’

“Yep.”

‘Just watching The Bach.’

“Me too.  She is crazy.  Why are you coming back on Friday?”

‘Stacey’s shower is on Saturday.’

“Oh yes, I almost forgot. Lol.  Where are you going?”

‘Silver Dollar City.  Our goal was to go during the week while all the kids are at school.  Another reason for a short trip is because Clint has a swap meet, he wants to go to on Saturday.’

“I see.  That will be fun.  She needs to go home.”

‘You would think she would be embarrassed to cry so much on TV.’

“I know.  Her chances of finding anyone is very slim.  Omg.”

‘Have you ever been horseback riding?’

“Yes.  You?”

‘Yeah, on trails in Colorado.’

“Just local for me.”

  This is the type of stuff we talk about now.  The crazy girls on ‘The Bachelor’ and the kids.  Sometimes our conversations are all over the place, jumping from one subject to another.  At least we know what we are talking about.  It’s kind of nice to be normal.

  You may have noticed; I’m still asking those random questions.  Like I said… I am learning a lot.  I bet a half-a-dozen of you, right now, are trying to picture Laura on a horse.  Oh boy!  Motorcycle or horse, I can’t imagine either one.    

Tuesday, August 23^rd…

  ‘I won’t be able to help you on Thursday.  Sorry.  Clint said, let’s throw some stuff in the camper and leave today.  So, we are on our way to Branson.  I think we all could use a little break.  We haven’t been anywhere since vacation.’

“It’s ok.  You need this.  Have fun, relax, and enjoy.  I will be fine.”

‘Thanks.  Talk to Luisa and see if they want to go the Royals game.  Stacey hasn’t used her tickets yet either.’

“Ok, will do.”

‘How’s your day going?’

“Just woke up from a nap.  I’m feeling okay today.  I have to go and get an x-ray before tomorrow then run by work.”

‘I’ll check in later to see how it went.’

“Ok.  Have a safe trip.”

8:45 P.M…

  “Today I saw 2 white butterflies.  I am so teary.  I don’t know why.  Some days are like this.  I need sleep.”

‘I don’t think I have ever seen white ones.  Pretty cool.  How was your x-ray?  Did you go by work?’

“Yes, I did.”

‘Are you crying right now?’

“I have been.”

‘What are you thinking about?’

No answer…

‘You need an I-phone.  For the last two nights Brandi has been facetiming me so we could watch ‘The Bachelor’ together.  We like to make dumb comments about these girls.  Tonight, her TV channel was a few minutes ahead of mine.  She would laugh before I could ever see.’

“That’s funny.”

A few minutes later… 

“Life.”

‘Well, that has been our topic of conversation around the campfire.  Clint is trying to tell me… We just have to live life and enjoy it.  He said… Don’t you want to do that?  I said, yes, I do.  I could if I didn’t worry all the time.  He said to me… What are you worrying about that is keeping you from just living life?  I said… Life.  That’s what I’m worried about.  Oh boy!  No wonder we are friends.  Haha.’

“Lol.  Don’t worry.  Gods got you and everything.  Remember Psalm 91.”

“Yeah, I remember it.  I even heard my song on the radio tonight.  You know… That song is 13 years old.  They don’t play it anymore.  The message I receive every time I hear it… Everything is going to be alright.  Are you remembering Psalm 91?  Do you remember when I walked into that church down here and the Bible was open to it?  You better!’

“Yes, I do.  I was reading it last night.  Couldn’t sleep.”

‘I say it every day.’

“That’s good.”

‘I just got done cutting Gunner’s poop shooter hairs.  He had a little bit of a pooping problem earlier.  Does that make you smile?’

“Lol. Gross.”

‘Here… Read this.  This was put in front of me the other day.  Maybe it will help you.  ~When you lie down, you will not be afraid.  Your sleep will be sweet.  Proverbs 3:24. ~’

Wednesday morning, 8:04 A.M…

  “I did ok last night.  Got up early.  Might need a nap.”

‘That’s good.  I am SO going to need a nap!  I didn’t sleep at all.  Gunner can’t jump up on this bed, so he whines at me.  He did it like 4 different times.  I let him up and then he gets down.  The last time he was up here he was breathing funny, like a frustrated breath.  He likes to sleep between our two pillows so I could tell something was wrong.  I was looking at him and thought his eyes were gooped shut, so I cleaned them.  He was super nice to me.  He was licking me and rubbing his back up closer to me.  He even kind of rolled halfway over on his side.  I rubbed his belly thinking his stomach must be upset after his poop problem he had yesterday.  He kept being so nice to me.  That is not like him.  I finally woke Clint up after he kept rolling over onto his side.  I said, something is wrong with Gunner.  He is letting me cuddle him.  He is breathing funny and acting weird.  I don’t think he can move his back legs.  Clint is looking him over, while I get up and turn the overhead light on.  Suddenly, we hear a popping noise and Gunner runs across the bed.  Nope!  Nothing is wrong.  He is fine.  His leg was stuck between the mattress and the headboard.  When I got up, the mattress shifted so he got loose.  This all happened at 3 A.M.  Then I got all teary because I thought something was wrong with ole grumpy butt.  I’m such a sap.  And I guess a sucker for picking him up and putting him on the bed 4 freaking times!!  Clint is building a ramp when we get home!’

“Omg.  I am sorry.  I am laughing.”

‘I should have known something was wrong.  He is never nice to me, especially while sleeping.  I’m not kidding, if you touch him, even a little bit… He is off the bed.’

“Maybe this is going to be a new change for him.”

‘A change for him that he needs to stay OFF the bed. Ha!  What time is your doctor appt.?’

“12:45.”

‘Wow!  That’s late for you.’

“Yes, it is.”

Wednesday, August 24^th, 2016.  Chemo day…

  ‘I have re-written your chemo day message.  I re-wrote it because I feel you need a real pep talk.  So here goes…

I know you have tons of emotions going on right now, test results, disability, work, and Rachel.  The fact is… No, it’s not going to be as easy to run and watch one of Rachel’s games anytime you want.  I know that bothers you because it’s not ten minutes away.  As for the other things…  Sometimes in life, the load gets heavy, sometimes it gets hard.  In your words… It sucks.  But here’s the deal… We have to remind each other that when we pray, we have to believe that EVERYTHING is how God has planned it out, not how we planned it.  We don’t always see it at first, but someday we will.  You believe pretty much the same way I do.  Actually, more so, your faith is stronger.  You are more steadfast.  Clint is always telling me… Be happy.  You can’t worry all the time.  Be happy and live life.  Everything will fall into place.  He says… Make happen what you want to have happen.  So, if you want to watch Rachel’s game, get in the car, and go.  Spur of the moment trips are always the best and so are surprises.  If you need someone to drive you, just say so.  As for the disability… Well, God closes doors for us when He knows what’s better for us.  I know it’s hard to understand His ways, but I guess we have to learn to.  I know you don’t want to leave your job.  I know it’s hard for you.  But you must trust that He knows what’s best.  Another thing…  I really don’t know why I always tell you… Gods got you.  I don’t even know where that came from.  It’s not a phrase I have ever used before.  Sometimes God uses people as His messengers for what He wants a person to hear.  I am a person who prays all the time.  I pray for my family, my friends and anyone who needs it.  I heard once… It only takes one.  One person, one prayer, straight from the heart.  It’s okay to be sad, just don’t stay there.  Maybe YOU have to be that one person for someone else.’

“Thanks, Debbie.  Thank you for understanding.  It means a lot.  Just waiting on chemo.”

‘Let me know what they say.’

Text from Luisa…

  “Have fun in Branson.”

‘We will.  Have you heard from Laura?’

“Yes.  Laura was here at work with me on Monday and Tuesday.  She has an appointment today at 12:45 and she had a chest x-ray yesterday.  She looked really good Monday and Tuesday.  We were going to do lunch today, but she said maybe tomorrow.”

‘Laura told me she has been teary, that she was sad last night.  Did she cry any at work?  I bet she is worried about the tumor marker test and the x-ray.’

3:00 P.M. text from Laura…

  “Saw the nurse practitioner, Melody.  She said, I look good.  If I have trouble breathing or feel different, to call them.  Other than that, all is good.”

‘What about the x-ray and tumor maker?’

“I will call you.”

  Dang it!  If I knew I was going to be writing a book, I would have made notes of some of these phone calls.  From what I can remember, she had some shadowing in that one lung.  I contacted Amanda and asked her what she remembered.  She told me… “If I remember right, the doctor saw some spots.”  I think we all know what that means.  It means the cancer is moving in her body.

My text to Luisa…

  ‘Hey, don’t say anything to Laura or Amanda about my comment about her being sad.  I’m sure this is what she’s going to tell you… All went good at the doc., just that right lung not working too good.  That’s what she texted me.’

“I won’t say anything.  Amanda told me about her doctor’s appointment this afternoon when she came to pick up the kids.”

‘Okay, Laura just called me.  I knew there was more.  She seems okay.  Did Amanda say anything?  Like if she was upset.  I guess Laura knew about her lung yesterday but didn’t say anything to anyone.  That’s probably why she was upset last night.’

“Amanda did not say anything about her being sad.  But now that you say that, that little stinker, I asked her how her test went, and she said she will not know anything until today.”

‘I know!!!!  She needs to learn to lean on us.  Are you working tomorrow?’

“I was supposed to be off work today and tomorrow but I’m here painting.  We just have the two bathrooms in the preschool left and then finish cleaning up.  I am having lunch with Laura tomorrow.”

‘Good.  Can you help her around 2?  She might not ask, so I will ask for her.  I can’t because I am in Branson.  She is going to have the grandkids and needs to get a shot at 2:30.  I can see if Stacey can help her, if you can’t.’

“I can help her.  What time is she getting the kids?”

‘I think she said at 2.  Amanda and Jared are going to a concert.  She said the earliest she could get the shot was at 2:30.  She can get mad at me for asking you if she wants to, but that is what friends are for.  We’re here to help.’

“Okay.”

‘Just between us Luisa, her right lung is not working well at all.  That worries me.’

Thirty minutes later…

“Yes, Laura told me.  She said, her right lung doesn’t have a lot of airflow.  When I asked her what time for lunch, she said, 11:30, because she had to be at Amanda’s at two.  That’s when I said, hey you want me to help you watch the kids.  She said, yes.”

‘Good.  Thank you.’

5:00 text to Laura…

  ‘Quit dealing with stuff all by yourself!  I may be out of town, but my phone was on all day yesterday!’

“What are you talking about?”

‘I found out that you knew yesterday.’

“About my x-ray?”

‘Yes.’

“No big deal.  Didn’t say anything to anyone.  I was ok.  I felt fine.”

‘You can get mad at me if you want to, we are all just taking care of you.  I asked Luisa if she could help you tomorrow with the kids while you get your shot.’

“I’m not mad.  I know you care.  I appreciate it.  I just want good news.  I am not worrying.  I am having a good day.  I was on Rachel’s Facebook and saw where that person wrote under the picture of me and Rachel dancing.  I saw where she said, this should be on the cover of a book (smiley face).”

‘Hmmm… Maybe someone should write one.’

“I did my part with the picture and having cancer, now it’s your turn to write the book.  Lol.”

‘See… Maybe it IS a sign.  Clint thinks I could do it.  I don’t know.  I seriously don’t know how to write a book.  I do have a couple of poems published though.’

“You can do it.  Just start putting down ideas for topics or chapters, then it will flow.  I am here to help.  Amanda is a good writer too.  It can be a group effort.”

‘How about… Chapter 5… Gertie.  Hahaha!’

“Think about it.  Maybe this is our purpose.  Maybe.  Reaching out to others.  I want to do something that will inspire people.  I want to make a difference.  Time to get out of your comfort zone, Deb and write the book.  Maybe you could write a children’s book too.”

‘Well, the boys push me all the time.  I guess we already have a few chapters already written.  Don’t we?  They are called… Pep talks.  What if they make it into a movie??  Who would play us?’

“No, on the movie.  I am boring.”

‘Okay.  I guess I will get started on some notes.  I HAVE thought about writing a children’s book before, a long time ago.’

“I know you have.  I will help you with this anyway I can.  I can talk.  You put it into words.”

‘And we’ll split our millions…’

“Lol.”

‘How’s this for a title…  Living Through Cancer with Faith, Hope & Love.’

“Love it!  You go girl.  Now you brought me to tears.  Happy ones.  It’s our purpose.  Love you.”

‘I’ve been thinking about this title for a while now.  OMG, you’re crying???  I was just going to ask.’

“It’s been there the whole time, Deb.  Just have to stop and listen.”

‘I guess if we don’t make millions, it will be there for your grandkids.’

“Yep, and yours.”

‘You are going to have to push me.’

“Ok.  I like the turn of the table. Lol.”

9:00 text to Amanda…

  ‘Do you know what hotels you are looking at for Vegas?’

“Something mid-strip, like Flamingos.”

‘I am still trying to decide if I can go.’

“You should come.  We haven’t booked a room yet.”

‘The problem is taking off work.  The airfare is so much cheaper if we could come home on a Tuesday.’

“That’s what we are doing.  Leaving on Saturday and coming home on Tuesday.”

‘Well, let me know when you pick a hotel.  I will have to figure something out.  I talked to your mom.  She seems to be doing ok.  Is she?  We are in Branson.  She told me about the doctor’s visit.’

“Yes.  She is good.  She had a good day.  She is up a pound in her weight.  She is watching the kids overnight tomorrow at our house till Friday around 11.  I am nervous about it, but she wants to do it.  I have to go with it.”

‘Yeah, I know.  I think Luisa is going to help her.  I heard you are seeing ‘Luke Bryan’.  I would love to see him.  You will love ‘Little Big Town’.  We saw them a few years ago.  Have a great time.’

“Thank you.  We will.”

9:28 P.M…

  “Hey Deb, are you still up?”

‘Yeah, I’m up.’

“I have an idea.  My purpose.  Ok.  How about we get our kids involved with a project for breast cancer.  I made a basket for a cancer patient last fall.  There was a new patient at the doctor’s office today.  I am going to do one for her, and this older gentleman.  I’ll let the nurses know that I will bring them by next week or at my next appointment.  Let’s do this for the month of October.  We could do a child and an adult one.  Then we can take them to Children’s Mercy and my doctor’s office.”

‘That sounds like a great idea!  It will teach the kids about compassion.’

“Ok.  We need to let the parents know sometime in September and then collect in September and October.  Yes, compassion.”

‘Good idea.  What’s that saying?  Turn your problem into a purpose??  Well, that’s not how it goes.  It’s something like that.’

“Ok.  We need to work on our letter.  We will do it together.  Stacey’s class can join us too.  Christ Preschool community project.”

‘Ok Laura sounds like we have a plan.  We can have our kids make cards to put with the bags.’

“Yes.  That’s a good idea.”

‘I like it, Laura.’

“Me too.  It helps to have a clear mind.  To stop and listen to what God is telling you.  I feel good about this.”

‘Working for God.  Is this our new boss?  Can I say that?  Haha.’

“Yep.  He is.”

‘We should look at the bookstore and see if there is a preschool aged book about cancer.  We can read to our kids.’

“Ok, I will check on Amazon.”

‘There you go Laura, there’s your answer.  God is closing doors to get you focused on what He needs you to work on.  Pay attention and watch it unfold.’

“I will.  Next week let’s go to Barnes and Noble and look for a book.  I need to read it before I buy one.”

‘Looks like God has a bigger job for you.  A new season in your life.  Are you smiling?  Is your heart smiling?’

“Yes, and you?”

‘You bet.’

“It will get the attention on something good.  Turning the focus to something that means a lot to me.  It takes it off of me.  It’s something little, but so worth it.”

‘It will be good for this group of kids.’

“Yes, it will.  They can help fill the bags.”

‘We need to have weekly discussions on how we can make someone feel better, how we can make someone happy.’

“Yes.  Kindness.”

‘Yeah Laura, that’s good.  Kindness.’

“Hey, don’t lose these texts.  I had chemo today. Lol.”

‘Haha.  You’re funny.’

“No, just right on this one. Lol.”

‘Hey, let’s look to the future… We’re making these bags and someday we can slide our book in there too.’

“Yes, we can. (Smiley face & flower).  I found this on Pinterest.   Hold on and I’ll send it…  ~ 3am is the hour of writers, painters, poets, over thinkers, silent seekers, and creative people.  We know who you are, we can see your light on.  Keep on keeping on. ~ Author unknown.”

‘Oh my gosh!  Yep, that’s my wake-up time.  I need to save this one.’

“Yes, you do.  Maybe I should frame it for you.  It’s perfect.”

‘Maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad for being such a deep thinker.’

“You shouldn’t.  It’s in writing.  Lol.”

‘True.  I’ll be sure and show this one to Clint.  Maybe I shouldn’t call it worrying anymore.  It’s just creative thinking.’