Chapter 39
Thursday, May 5th, 2016. Journal entry…
“Today was a good day. Was able to clean a little. Still have more to do but trying to do a little at a time. Went to see the nurse’s at Centerpoint to let them know the good news. It was good to see everyone. It was nice to know that Dr. R. asks about me and is keeping up with my progress. Took the nurse’s brownies and chocolates. Had lunch with Deb. She filled me in on the field trip yesterday. Picked up the kids from daycare and then took them home. Jared took us to dinner at Culver’s, then we went to get some flowers for the front of the house. It was a long day. Glad to get home to rest.”
Text from Luisa…
“Laura said she had lunch with you today. She came by to pick up the kids. She looked really good.”
‘Yes, I did. She was so happy and yes, she looked good. I was telling Clint it has been a long time since I have seen her that good. She told me she was starving. She finished her lunch before I ever finished mine. She said, she gained 5 pounds this week!’
“That’s awesome.”
‘I know! Good news does great things when you haven’t been feeling good.’
But then Friday came…
Friday, May 6th, 2016…
“Busy day. Very tired. Did not sleep well. Up at 6. Tried to rest but I couldn’t. Talked to the insurance company about a few claims and then out the door to run my errands. Went to Hallmark, returned something at Kohl’s, and then to Sam’s. Sam’s was very busy. Thought a pretzel would be good for lunch. Not good. Sprite is not good either. Nothing is tasting good at all. Tried chicken, mashed potatoes, and coleslaw. Not good. It is so frustrating. Tried chili corn chips. Yuck. I will keep trying. Something will taste good soon. I hope. Went to work this afternoon. I lost my keys. I looked everywhere and can’t find them. Not very happy right now. Don’t know what I did with them. Not a good day. Finally, I got everything for Sunday’s dinner. Rachel will be home tomorrow. We are going to try her dress on. It is in. So exciting. My dress is in as well. It is at Amanda’s house. Will try it on, Sunday. Going to Kohl’s tomorrow. Got the tongs and tortilla warmers in today. Did some laundry and tomorrow I will do the bathrooms.”
Saturday, May 7th, 2016…
“Cleaned the bathrooms and did some more laundry. Went with Rachel to try her dress on. It is in. It was beautiful and perfect. We have to do some alterations on it, but it is so beautiful. Then we had a quick lunch at Chipotle. We ate outside. It was wonderful to feel the heat from the sun. Then we went to Kohl’s to spend our Kohl’s cash. We had a good time and saved a lot of money. Then we went to JC Penny’s to get some shorts for Amanda. We found a cute dress for her to wear on rehearsal night. It looked so good on her. Then to Quick Trip for a smoothie. It was ok. Amanda met up with us at Dollar Tree. We bought a few things for the shower and wedding. Some plastic bowls for the salsa. Got a lot done today. Feeling tired, but it was good to get out. Now have to get things ready for tomorrow’s lunch.”
Sunday, May 8th, 2016…
“Happy Mother’s Day. It is a rainy day. Thought the rain would hold off but it didn’t. So, we grilled in the rain. Had a good day with the girls, kids, and my mom. Dinner was good. Amanda and I tried on our dresses. Everyone liked them. Will need to get shoes and have the dress hemmed. The kids were so excited to see me. It was so cute. I just love them so much. This day was a perfect Mother’s Day. The girls were here, and my babies. Love them so much.”
Monday, May 9th…
“Was able to work today. Helped Luisa close and then had a meeting with Kyle and Katie for their upcoming wedding. It was a good day. Feeling pretty good today.”
Tuesday, May 10th…
“Worked and closed tonight. It was a busy day. It felt good to be at work and get some things done. Feeling pretty good.”
Laura is excited about the upcoming wedding and seems to be doing pretty good. She still has problems with that eating part, I thought for a moment she was good there too.
Wednesday, chemo day message…
‘Lately, I have been writing out your chemo day message the night before. Sometimes, when I am feeling down, the words I want to say are harder to come. Of course, I couldn’t sleep. So, at 2:00 this morning, I re-wrote it. This one is a little random. I guess it is my middle of the night thoughts. Sometimes, I think… I am the one these messages are for. Here you go…
A year has gone by, that is hard to believe. I found the notes from that journal I made you, so I looked up what was going on, on this day. I talked about… How you have to Believe and then there was Joel’s message on Trust. All things work together for good to those who love the Lord. Not some things, but ALL things. It also talked about how God has a plan in every area of our lives. I read this. It made me think. I wish life was just that easy. Like when you can’t figure something out, you get the instruction manual, and you are like… OH! Ok, it works like this. It’s easy to trust the instructions to some machine or item we have around the house, but the instructions we have for life… We question. Why is that? I wish I could someday say… Oh, ok good. Got it. Trust. Not to question it but know it. It’s funny how we trust a wrinkled-up piece of paper with instructions for something we have never owned before, but we struggle with God’s instructions for life. We keep on learning. Don’t we? A year ago, we talked about… What are we supposed to be learning? Back then, I wondered what cancer was supposed to be teaching me. Maybe it wasn’t cancer I was supposed to be learning from, maybe it was watching someone I know, go thru that cancer. What is that person teaching me? We have so much power within us. We don’t even know it. But… We are impacting so many lives. You know my ‘saying’ about, how people are watching you. People we don’t even know are watching everything we do. They watch how you handle things. You have told me many times, that you trust God’s plan for you. You are living out God’s instruction book. Why do you have to go thru this?? I don’t know. I wish no one did. God has a plan. Doesn’t He? He is working all things out for His purpose and good. I looked at Amanda’s Facebook post, the one she wrote about you. 300 people liked or commented on it. 300 people are seeing God work through you. Wow! That’s a lot of people who are praying for you, thinking about you and loving you. Let that sink in. God has His plan. We may not understand it, we may not like it, but we learn, and we trust.’
“Thanks Deb. It is a journey. I want to be an example to others that are going through this or anything in life. Some days are bad, but you pull yourself up and push thru. Thanks for all you do for me.”
Wednesday, May 11th, 2016. Journal entry…
“Chemo day. Going to talk to them today about my vision changing and this knot between my rib cage. We will see what they say. The labs were slow today. It took over an hour to get them. The pharmacy was slow as well. These early appointments haven’t been so early. Well, it looks like I will be going back to the eye doctor and have my eyes re-checked. They will call with an appointment. Feeling tired today after chemo. Today, Cory and Amy had the babies, Madeline and Easton. They are all doing fine. They are so cute. It was a good day.”
Thursday, May 12th, 2016…
“Another day at work. Did a few things around the house before going in. Have to take the kids home tonight. They are so cute and enjoy being with me. Tonight, was Sonic hot dog night. Visited with Jared and the kids and then headed home. It was a long day but doing ok.”
Friday, May 13th, 2016…
“Eye appointment day. Vision has changed. Doctor said readers 2.50 and to wear them all the time. I have 2.75. She said that was fine. Would like to see me back in a couple of weeks. Said this could be temporary. We shall see. Just one more thing to add to my list. Came home to rest and then went into work with lunch. Feeling tired. It has been a long week of working.”
Saturday morning…
‘Hi Laura, how’s it going?’
“Well, slow. Very tired. Trying to get things done. I need to run the vacuum. I just don’t know. I might of overdid it.”
‘That was going to be my next question. You’ve been very quiet these last few days. I didn’t know if you weren’t feeling well, or if something was bothering you. You have had some long days this week. Actually, the last couple of weeks.’
“I am ok. Just tired. Need some energy.”
‘Do you need me to vacuum for you?’
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
‘You didn’t.’
“Ok, sure.”
‘Let me finish getting ready. I’ll let you know before I leave. Do you need a drink?’
“Yes. Sprite.”
‘Do you want a corn dog, hot dog, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese or hamburger?’
“Hamburger.”
Luisa and I have gotten to the point where we don’t ask Laura if she wants lunch, we give her a choice instead. Laura always manages to pick something, when we make her choose. And… Most of the time, I say most, when we would randomly bring something over, she would eat whatever that is. We’re not sure if it is obligation, pressure, or the fact that she has her mind on something else. Maybe it’s as simple as something different tastes good. This doesn’t happen every time. There has been many times we have taken over lunch and it is barely eaten and thrown in the trash. But here lately, she manages to eat most of what was brought.
Later that evening…
“Thank you so much for your help today. I feel so bad interrupting your day with Brandi. Thank you both, again. I really appreciate it. Thank you.”
‘You didn’t. Brandi was just lying around. I asked her if she wanted to go, and she said she would love to see you. She was the one who suggested bringing some lunch. We went to Target after we left and then stopped by her old neighbors to see their new baby. Sorry I gave you a hard time about running your sweeper. You know, I am just messing with you. I saw the look on your face. I know you don’t like the fact that you can’t do it. That is why I had to give you a hard time about it. I had to lighten the load. Made you laugh. I was glad to do it. Honestly, no big deal.’
“I really appreciate it. Thank you again. I hate asking for help, you know.”
‘You know that bracelet Brandi gave me for Mother’s Day?? I looked up the spiritual meaning of one of the words, Destiny. The other two words were Wisdom and Compassion. I understand the meaning of those. I wanted more of a definition for the Destiny part. Interesting enough, one description said… ~You are destined to meet certain people in your life. They will be guided to meet you as you are being guided to meet them. These relationships are not based on your past worldly experience but are a part of a plan that was established before you came into the world. It’s a plan that has been made to make it possible for you to discover a higher purpose in your life. ~ Interesting. Brandi said she thought of me, when she saw these three words. Pretty cool.’
“Yes, it is. That was good.”
Saturday, May 14th, 2016…
“Didn’t do much today at all. Laid around and didn’t do anything but rest. I was so tired. No energy to do anything. Slept and that was most of my day. Feeling not good. Stomach knot is still there. Brandi and Debbie came by. Deb ran the vacuum for me. I felt so bad. I just couldn’t do it.”
Sunday evening, text from Laura…
“What are you doing?”
‘We are going to see Carrie Underwood in concert.’
(I sent a picture of Clint and I.)
“Oh, have fun.”
‘How are you feeling?’
“Same. Still very tired.”
Sunday, May 15th, 2016. Journal entry…
“This day was the same as yesterday. Just no energy and no willingness to get up and do things. Did not go to the graduation party. Just didn’t feel like it. Pretty crappy day. Each day that I am like this, I get weaker. It takes me longer each time to get my strength back. But I will keep fighting. I don’t want to have those down days. They wipe me out. Hopefully, I can get a handle on this. Food has not been good, but I do have some taste buds back. That makes me happy. Food just sits on my stomach. After 2 bites or so, I am done. Just have to keep working thru this.”
Monday, May 16th, 2016…
“Didn’t make it into work today. Still not feeling well. This knot is still in my stomach. I was able to work on the video for the preschool graduation. It is going pretty well. Was starting to feel a little better. Had some bean soup. It tasted pretty good. Lisa W. brought it by. So thankful for everything everyone has done for me.”
Tuesday, May 17th, 2016. Journal entry…
“No work today. But I am feeling better. Was able to do some things around the house and get them done. Ran an errand to Kohl’s and then having dinner with the girls for Stacey’s birthday. Video will be done tonight. Having a good day.”
“I am working on the preschool video. Do you have any pumpkin patch pictures?”
I sent Laura the only picture I had. It was of Laura doing the pumpkin patch pose. She had on her bright pink shirt with her arms spread out wide. The sun was beating down on her and she had the biggest smile on her face. It’s funny how we get a kick out of doing this silly pose.
‘Here you go. This is all I have. Everything else is on your phone.’
“Ok. Lol.”
‘Are you watching Dancing with the Stars?’
“Yes.”
‘The deaf guy… You would think if you looked as good as that, you would get a person with a sexy voice to be the interpreter.’
“Yep. Lol.”
Tuesday afternoon, I sent Laura a text because she didn’t show up for work…
‘How are you?’
“Doing ok. I am doing a few things and resting in-between.”
‘5:00 for dinner. Courthouse Exchange.’
“Ok. Sounds good. How was your day?”
‘It was good.’
“You ok, Deb?”
‘Yes. Why do you say that?’
“Just checking on you. One-word answers. You have one more day of school left.”
‘Haha. Yep, one more!’
“You avoided my question.”
‘I answered your question.’
“Are you mad at me? This up and down stuff is crap! I don’t like it.”
‘No, I’m not mad. I know it’s hard. At least you have ups. So, are you on the ‘up’ today?’
“Yes, but weak. I’m up and doing a few things. Ran an errand. It is so cold.”
‘Anyway, when you said you don’t feel good, you don’t want to talk to anyone. See… I’m not mad.’
“I know. That’s true.”
I left that conversation just like that. I texted her a few hours later…
‘Well, I’ve been out shopping for Stace. I found something neat for me. Imagine that! Last night, I was missing my mom. She was my ‘go to’ person. Sometimes I miss not being able to talk to her about my kids and my life. I miss talking about everyday stuff. At the Hallmark store I found a Faith, Hope, Love box. It was a rustic one at that. I always talk about how my mom kept her special things in a box. I keep all of mine, just in a drawer. I think it’s about time I start a box of my own. That way, I could have something special to pass down to my grandkids someday. It was cool that I found a rustic one. I think my mom had a hand in this. So, I bought it.’
“Yes, she did. Glad you found the perfect one.”
We met for dinner that night. We all had a really good time. We celebrated Stacey’s birthday with a lot of laughs and fun. Laura slipped up in her conversation and let out some news that I didn’t know. I asked her about it later that night.
‘120 pounds??!!!!’
“Yep. Maybe below. It’s crazy. Not good. The Doctor didn’t say anything. She didn’t seem concerned at all.”
‘So, do you see what happens when I leave you alone. DANG IT! The last time you got depressed. You weren’t talking much for a reason. Huh?’
This was a turning point in Laura’s journey. One I didn’t know of until I compared Laura’s journal with all our texts. You see… There was a reason I was posting all these journal entries. I wanted to hear her thoughts as well as I wanted all of you. The fact of the matter is… Tuesday, May 17th was the last journal entry she posted. I wish I would have known earlier, so I could have asked her why she stopped. But for some reason… She didn’t want to write anymore. I think the decline in weight loss and the bad days outweighed the good. I don’t know. The last post she said… Having a good day.
Wednesday, May 18th, chemo day…
‘This message falls on a little tender-hearted week. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it’s the end of another school year and things are slowing down. I don’t know. Get yourself well. Okay? It’s more fun when we do pre-k together. I’m sorry for all the times I get on your case. I know sometimes, I probably say the wrong things. I don’t want to do that. I know I am not in your situation. It’s hard to understand. Please don’t take it the wrong way if I ever do. I don’t have any special words of wisdom this week, just know… We all want you well.’
“Thanks Deb. All is good. Getting chemo now. We will figure this out. I’m at 121 lbs. Gained a couple from last night’s dinner. Lol. Have a good afternoon. I will see you later.”
Preschool graduation was that evening. Laura had the video done and was happy to be there. Every child came over to have their picture taken with Ms. Laura. I know that had to make her smile. The parents stood and talked with her. Some of these families, we have had every child of theirs in our program. They appreciate everything Laura has done for them throughout the years. I watched from the sideline. I wondered if this would be the last year Laura would try and teach. Pre-k was something she was passionate about. Walking away from it would be a hard decision to make. Times have changed and people have changed. Cancer changed most of it.
Thursday text from Luisa…
“Laura is not feeling well. Sending her home.”
‘She just told me. Dang it.’
“She didn’t say anything to me, but I could tell. So, I asked her. Bianca asked her if she was ok too. She noticed. Laura got a little teary.”
‘Laura told me she is dragging today. She said… Not a good day. Make her eat something. She will feel better if she eats.’
“She ate very little. Chicken noodle soup from Panera.”
That was at one o’clock. I drove by the daycare a little after 3. Laura’s car was still in the parking lot. I pulled in to see what was going on.
‘I’m here, Luisa. I came up to jump on her case.’
“Where are you? Is Laura still here? I’ve been busy painting.”
‘I’m in the office. Yes, Laura is still here.’
This is how it is now. When people think she needs to go home because she doesn’t feel good, Laura chooses not to. She tries her best to push thru. When I went by the office to check on her, Luisa was right, she didn’t look good. She sat in the chair with her head down on the desk. I asked her why she doesn’t just go home… She begged me please, just let me push thru this. I did my talking like I have done so many times before and Laura listened with her head down on the table. Is she stubborn? Yes. Laura is going to do what Laura wants to do. After I gave my so called ‘speech’, I started giving her a hard time. I had her laughing by the time Luisa walked in. Laura was starting to feel better. I stayed a little while longer until Luisa and I both, knew she was alright. I let it be Laura’s call on what she wanted to do.
10:00 P.M. text to Laura…
‘How late did you stay at work?’
“I closed with Luisa.”
That means she stayed until 6.
Friday night around 8:30 I get this text…
“I had applesauce, a few popcorn chicken, mac n cheese, corn and smoked sausage today and nachos, apples with a few mini m&m’s. Do I pass today?”
‘Hahaha. Should I ask how much of each? How many m&m’s?’
“Glad you are happy.”
‘Is your hatred for me growing yet?’
“No.”
You bet I jumped her case yesterday while we were sitting in the office. Every time she doesn’t eat… That is usually when she ends up feeling sick. I’m not sure if she is proud of herself by telling me that, or if she is just being a smartass. I think I will leave this one alone.
Clint and I went to the big races in Topeka. Rachel had texted me earlier that week asking if I wanted to come to her bachelorette dinner with her mom. The dinner would be around 6 Saturday night. I told her we were going out of town for the day and wouldn’t be home until later that afternoon. After talking with Clint, he thought we would be home in time to make it. I agreed to go and told Laura I would update her when we left.
It was a good thing the weather was cool that day, otherwise I would need to go home to shower. I took my nice clothes, hair stuff and a lite weight jacket. We stopped at the service area on the interstate so I could change my clothes. We made it to the restaurant just in time. Clint dropped me off and offered to pick us up later. The dinner was good, and Laura had the best time. I asked her a couple of times if she was feeling ok. Her response to me was… I’m just a little cold. She had a sweater on at the time, so I gave her my jacket to lay across her lap. According to her… That seemed to help.
I didn’t talk with Laura for a couple of days after that, so I wasn’t sure how she was doing. And… Since I am now on summer break, I’m not up at work like I have been. Laura had been working more and more in the daycare. If she needed my help, she was sure to call.
Late Monday night, she sends me a text…
“How was your day?”
‘It was alright. I think the busyness from the last few weeks of school has caught up with me. I am tired. How are you?’
“Doing better than I was over the weekend. Rachel leaves for Iowa tomorrow but I will see her Thursday night.”
‘I wondered when she left.’
“I met with the cleaning lady. I also went to the dentist today. My crown came loose. I also got my teeth cleaned. I know. I’m crazy.”
‘Oh boy! Did you work any today?’
“Yes. Worked until my dental appt. at 2.”
An hour later…
“Everything was fine.”
‘Okay. That’s a random text, Laura.’
“Yes. You weren’t texting. Lol.”
‘Hmmm, does it bother you when people don’t want to talk?’
“Yep.”
‘Imagine that.’
Tuesday evening text from Amanda…
“Did you see my mom today?”
‘No.’
“Ok, just wondering. Thanks.”
‘Is something up? I haven’t talk to her much.’
“She worked all day. Jared said she was there at 7 this morning.”
‘I heard from her about an hour ago and she said she was doing ok.’
“Ok.”
‘Wow. How did she mange to make it in at 7:00?’
“I don’t know.”
‘Hey Laura, did you work today?’
“Yes.”
‘And just so you know… Nothing is wrong. I am just quiet. No reason why I’m quiet, I just am.’
“I opened and worked until 5. No worries. I am quiet too.”
‘You opened?? Why? And how? Holy crap, Laura, you have to be beat!’
“I did it.”
‘Are you worn out? Don’t overdo it.’
“Yes. Tired.”
Wednesday morning…
‘Hope your labs go well today.’
“This is my off week. No labs. Nothing.”
‘I thought your off week was labs. Well, better yet.’
“That was for the first 2 cycles. Now, I just go for 3 weeks then off a week. I think this is my first one or second. I don’t remember.”
‘Good. You won’t know what to do on a Wednesday morning.’
“I know.”
12:39 P.M. text from Amanda…
“Hey Debbie, can you update me when you see my mom? I am working today. Thank you.”
‘Yes, I will.’
“Thank you. I think I know why she has been so cold. She has no immune system.”
At the same time, I am sending a text to Laura…
‘Are you at work?’
“No, at home.”
‘How are you feeling? Did you overdo it?’
“Maybe.”
‘What do you want for lunch? I am coming over. Soup??’
“Already ate. You don’t have to come over.”
‘Oh, I’m coming. What do you want to drink then? What did you eat?’
“Soup. I have 2 drinks already.”
‘What medicine do you need? I’m coming over to look at you, myself.’
“I need to go to the doctor. Can you take me? Have to be there by 1:30 or so.”
‘On my way.’
‘Probably so, Amanda.’
“I am sure she is upset. This is supposed to be her week off.”
‘Oh, I would imagine so.’
“Well, she needs to get her strength back first. She is at a higher risk of getting sick with the way her nutrition is.”
‘Yep. She said she already ate something today. I’m going over anyway. We are going to the doctor after I get there.’
“Ok. Let me know how it goes. Make sure they know she has been cold for days. I think she had a fever over the weekend.”
‘Oh boy!’
“Well, she told me she didn’t, but I didn’t believe her. She said, my house was cold, and it was 75 degrees inside. Sunday, she was curled up with a blanket. Debbie, I am worried about her. She tells me everything is fine. This is worse than last year.”
‘Yeah, I know. It’s tougher than last year, but your mom is tougher too.’
I took Laura to the doctor. They listened to her lungs, took her temperature and did a strep test. They sent her home with an antibiotic. I checked in on her that following day…
‘How are you feeling?’
“Not good. At my mom’s resting.’
‘Sorry to hear that.’
“My breathing is weird. Wheezing. But it will be ok.”
‘They listened to your lungs. They said if you didn’t feel any better to call. Call them if you need to.’
“Ok.”
The rest of the day was talking about odds and ends of things. Once again, I let it be Laura’s lead if she wanted to talk.
Friday afternoon, I checked in again…
‘How are you feeling today?’
“Same.”
‘Did you get the results from your strep test?’
No answer…
A few hours later…
“Sorry, sleeping.”
Later that night, I sent another text…
‘Are you alright?’
“Yes.”
‘So, you want to be quiet, huh? You don’t like it when I am that way.”
“Yes. Sorry.”
‘You can’t be in a funk the same time I am. Who is going to snap who out of it?’
“Well, we are.”
‘Ok I’ll let you be quiet. I get it.’
“I know. It sucks.”
A half-hour later, I sent this…
‘Come on Laura don’t get down on me. You can be frustrated but don’t get down. I’m trying too.’
No answer…
10:00 P.M. that night…
‘I won’t ask how you are doing. I think I already know. I’ll just say… Hope tomorrow will be better. I said a prayer for you. I will say a couple more. I read my daily devotional tonight. I haven’t read anything from it since the end of March. Today’s message was… Give thanks to God even during the rough times. Give thanks in the bad times and the times of suffering. I guess that is something I need to work on. Sorry I haven’t been much help to you this week. That old, hated friend of mine has been trying to surface… Fear. It’s not about anything recently, just a feeling trying to creep in. I don’t want it. I know… I’m getting there. Don’t worry. I just wanted you to know why I have been quiet. I’m sorry you are not feeling well. Keep your head up. We will talk later.’
No answer…
I never told Laura, the fear that I was feeling was about her. It’s hard to watch your friend when they’re feeling so sick. It seems like the good days are far and few between. Sometimes, you just don’t know what else to do.
1 P.M. Saturday afternoon…
“Ok, here’s the deal. You don’t like it when I am quiet, now I don’t like it when you are. I know better than anyone that it is perfectly fine to be quiet, but we made a deal. So, here’s a new deal… If you want to be this way, then send back a message saying… I’m ok, just quiet OR I’m not ok, but quiet. Can you agree to that?’
“Yes. I am ok. Quiet.”
‘Well, I am ok too. Part of the deal means you have to be 100% honest. No sugar coating it.’
“I am. I just don’t want to talk about it or anything right now.”
Later that night, she sent me this…
“Believe me, I am fine. Just don’t want to talk about it right now. It’s not about you. It’s not about anyone. It’s me. Just don’t want to talk.”
Sunday night…
“I am better. Got out and went to Kohl’s with Amanda.”
‘You know, people are worrying about you. Especially when you don’t talk.’
“I know. I am ok.”
‘Heard you got a new grand-pup.’
“Yes, I did. Her name is Ava.”
Laura still wasn’t herself. For the next few days, I only heard from her a handful of times… How are you? I’m doing alright. Did you see that on television? I never once, asked about how she was doing. She was the one asking the questions, she was the one who sent the random comments…
“Everything is fine. We’ll talk later. I’m ok. You have to trust me.”
Wednesday, chemo day…
‘It’s been a very quiet week for me. I have spent a lot of time sitting on the porch. I would say it’s been a quiet week for you too. Huh? After I dropped you off last week, and your bad days set in, I had a talk with Clint. I had been feeling down for a few days, myself. I mentioned to him how you keep pushing thru. I said… If it was me, I don’t think I could do it. I don’t know if I would. He said to me… What do you mean you wouldn’t do it? People don’t do this for themselves, they do it for the people they love. It’s easy for a person to say… Just screw it. It’s easy not to care about yourself. You have to. It’s funny how we do that so many times in our lives, putting ourselves last. You do it for your family, he said. You do it for love. I thought about this for several days. “You do it for love.” We all have dark days. Some of us have to fight a little harder. And some… Have a really hard fight. We find our strength in the people around us, those we care about and love. These people are the fuel to our hearts. So maybe we shouldn’t be so quiet, should we? Wink, wink. God is working through you. He is working thru us all.’
“Thanks, Deb. That is very true. Thanks for understanding this past week.”
That didn’t change Laura’s mood much. She still wasn’t talking to anyone. Before bed, I sent one more text…
‘So, I am guessing, we are still not wanting to talk?? Correct?’
Two hours later…
“We will talk soon.”