Chapter 40
Thursday, June 2nd, 2016. 11:52 A.M…
“Can you come up to work about 2:15/2:30 today?”
‘Probably so.’
“Okay, thank you.”
Well, I wonder what this is all about. She asked Luisa and I to meet her in the office. Maybe now, she is ready to talk.
I arrived at the daycare a little after 2. We talked and visited until Luisa could join us. Laura… She seemed okay. A little skittish and nervous at first, but after a while, she was acting more like herself. Luisa finished what she was doing then came to the office to join us. She asked Laura how she was feeling… Laura said just fine. The next several minutes they spent talking about work. The conversation paused and the room got quiet. I asked Laura if she was ready to talk. You could see the nervousness return to her demeanor. Luisa looked at me and wondered what I was wondering myself. What on earth has got her so shook up?
Laura got up and shut the office door. She fumbled with her rings upon her fingers.
“Yes, I’m ready to talk. I ready to tell you what has been on my mind.”
Laura started her conversation like she has so many times before…
“I want you to listen. Please, just listen.”
We sat quietly waiting for her to speak. She instantly burst into tears. It took her several minutes to compose herself. She tried to talk but she couldn’t get the words out. Luisa and I looked at each other. We were starting to worry. What did she know that she was so afraid to tell us?
‘Is something wrong, Laura? Did the doctor say something?’
She shook her head no.
‘What is it then? Come on, talk to us.’
Laura wiped her tears and tried to talk again. She got out the words… “I’ve made a decision.”
‘Okay, about what?’
Laura decided to apply for disability. She knew she could no longer work like she used to. She has good days and bad days. The bad days here lately, are outweighing the good. Through several days of silence and a lot of thinking, Laura decided this would be best.
I knew this was hard for her. I knew this was a decision she didn’t want to make. This job is her whole world.
“I’ll miss the children and I’ll miss the girls. I just can’t do it anymore. I tried. I really did. I want to be here. I want to be here so bad.”
I knew she did. Right now, she needs to take care of herself.
7:58 P.M…
‘I’m glad you are not upset with me or Luisa. We were beginning to think one of us had done something wrong. You have been quiet for quite a while now. We didn’t know what was going on. We were really getting concerned.’
“All is good. I just needed some time to process everything.”
‘I get it. I understand your decision. I support you 100%. I know you will do what you feel is best.’
Laura asked me if I would go with her to the Social Security office to sign up. I told her I would. She wasn’t quite ready to go just yet. From all her research, it would take a little while for everything to kick in. For the time being, you will hear me talking about Laura still going in to work. She was still going to try to work as much as she could even if it was just for an hour or two. She couldn’t let go just yet.
Sunday, June 5th…
“Deb, are you busy today?”
‘What do you need?’
“Can you go to Price Chopper with me? I need to pick up some milk and a few things for work.”
‘Sure, when do you want to go?’
“Around 2.”
‘Ok, not a problem.’
“I’ll come and get you. I want to drive. I need a Sonic drink too.”
‘We can try that new frozen lemonade.’
“Yes, sounds good.”
Laura came to my house and picked me up. We went to the grocery store over by the daycare. I pushed the cart and did all the lifting. On her list was bananas and several gallons of milk.
While roaming the aisles, we passed a man doing his shopping. I saw him watching us as soon as we turned the corner. He stopped for a second and said hello.
‘Do we know him? Is he a preschool grandparent?’
“No, I don’t think so. He doesn’t look familiar.”
‘How about the daycare?’
“No.”
‘He sure acts like he knows us.’
A few minutes later, this man returned. He walked right up to us and wanted to talk.
“I couldn’t help but notice your hat. My wife had cancer too. Are you two sisters?”
‘No, we’re just friends. We are picking up a few things for our daycare.’
The next thing he said surprised us both…
“Can I please pray over you?”
“Okay,” Laura said in a soft-spoken voice.
This older gentleman bowed his head and prayed for the both of us. He asked for healing for Laura and strength for her friend.
Before he left, he told us about a book he wanted Laura to get. A book about healing that helped his wife.
“I’ll be praying for you,” he said. “Have a nice day.”
Later that night…
‘So, I didn’t ask you earlier. Do you normally have random people come up and pray over you?’
“No. I have had a few people stop me and tell me they are praying for me.”
‘But nothing right there in the pudding aisle before, huh?? It’s nice to know there are such kind-hearted people in this world.’
“Yes, it was very nice.”
Tuesday, June 7th. Text from Luisa…
“Laura was tired today.”
‘Was she? I haven’t really talked to her. She sent me a text last night asking if I was watching The Bachelor, that was about it.’
“Rachel told me not to leave her by herself. I told her I would not have done that anyway. Rachel said they went to Wal Mart. They had to stop about five times while shopping.”
‘Oh boy! I wish she could have more than one good day in a row.’
“Yes, me too.”
Wednesday, June 8th. Chemo day message…
‘I’m a little anxious about vacation. I keep thinking back to last year when I was having a hard time getting my happy back. It came back when I stopped focusing on everything that had gone wrong and started looking at how blessed my life was. It was what you said, that snapped me out of it. The other day when I walked into the office, there you were with both of your girls. Your whole world was in that tiny space. In that office, a place you love, a place where your babies are being cared for, there you were sitting there visiting with your girls. You were surrounded by everything that makes you happy. It was nice to see you all laughing and talking about the wedding. You light up when you are around those girls. They are so much like you. They mirror your image. In our talks, we have talked about life. We’ve talked about the good and the bad. Stuff happens to all of us, some harder than others. But… When you stop yourself and take the time to look at what is right in front of you, you see the blessings that God gives us. There was a lot of love and laughter in that tiny room. That is something that sickness and rough days can’t take away. It is in moments like these, when we realize how incredibly blessed, we really are.’
“So true. Thanks Deb.”
‘How’s your numbers?’
“Good. Phil was 6 something.”
“Wow, that’s good.’
“They have been good.”
‘I have to laugh. I just sent that to Luisa. She said… That is good phil has been behaving.’
“Lol.”
Luisa decided to start a group text with me, her, and Laura…
Luisa… “Ok Laura, now you have both of us on the text message.”
Deb… ‘Yeah Laura, that way you don’t have to text us both and we won’t be confusing Luisa.’
Laura… “Are you at work?”
Deb… ‘No. Luisa kept answering YOUR texts to me. She couldn’t keep up. We just thought this would be easier for everyone.’
Laura… “Omg. Ok. Lol.”
Deb… ‘Laura, your numbers were really good.’
Luisa… “What is your weight?”
Laura… “120.”
Deb… ‘Grrrr.’
Laura… “Don’t even start with me.”
Deb… ‘Hey, I weighed myself. I don’t weigh as much as I thought. Giving up pop made a big difference.’
Laura… “That’s all you can say. You are going to change the subject.”
Deb… ‘Hey, I’m trying to be good.’
Laura has been working a couple of hours a few days a week. She feels like she needs to help as much as she can. Kathy’s father-in-law had been in the hospital, and from what I was told, he wasn’t doing very good. Laura wanted to be available to help with the daycare incase Kathy would have to leave.
‘How is Gary’s dad doing?’
“Not good. I told Kathy I could close so she could go be with him. I know she is worried, and I know it is hard.”
‘I sent her a text a couple of hours ago asking how he was. I haven’t heard anything back. We have been making the rounds visiting our dads. We just left Clint’s dad’s house. Saw my dad this morning.’
“Good. I just got home. I am worn out.”
‘I hope everything is okay with Gary’s dad. My dad looks like he has aged a ton. He has that Tim Conway shuffle in his feet. He said he gets dizzy and is afraid to fall. He is doing fine. I guess. He is just moving really slow. He seems like his old self and his talking was normal.’
“You know, I will always regret not seeing my dad the weekend before he passed. I just didn’t want him to see me in pain. I should have sucked it up.”
‘What if God planned it out just how it was supposed to be. If you would have gone to see him, then you would be saying… You wished he wouldn’t have seen you that way. It doesn’t matter. We all feel we should of/could of no matter which way it goes. You have to believe that God knew what was best. At least, I do.’
“I know. What have you been doing?”
‘Picking up the kitchen. How are you feeling?’
“Feeling pretty good.”
‘Really?? Write this down!! Glad to hear it.’
“I haven’t written anything for a while. Lol. Just haven’t felt like it. I have to pick up 3 more prescriptions tomorrow.”
‘For what?’
“My cough. Two of them are inhalers.”
‘Did you call them about your cough or is this from Wed.’s appt? By the way, how come we never named that cough? It has been around as long as ole Gertie.’
“Longer. No, the nurse called me today. I told her it wasn’t any better this morning. She called Dr. S. and they sent it out.”
‘Have you ever done an inhaler before? How about Cooper?’
“Yes, I have. How about Crappy?”
‘Haha. Cooper the crappy the cough.’
“It fits. Lol.”
Friday morning…
“Do you want to do lunch today with Luisa and I around 12:30? You guys pick please.”
‘Yeah, I can. Luisa can pick.’
Switching to the group text…
Deb… ‘Luisa, you are picking the place for lunch.’
Luisa… “Yes, ma’am.”
Thirty minutes later…
Laura… “Ok, I am not feeling well. Lots of spit up and throw up. I will keep you updated. Going to lie down.”
Luisa… “Oh no. Did Amanda and the kids come over? Do you need me to bring you something?”
Laura… “Kids are here. I am ok. Don’t need anything.”
Two o’clock text from Amanda…
“Mom is having a bad day. She is still coughing. She doesn’t look great. She has a low-grade fever.”
‘I talked to her earlier, she told me she wasn’t getting down just having a bad day. I’ll check in again.’
“Yes, just a bad day. She just doesn’t feel well.”
‘I know. It sucks.’
“Yep. I called the nurse just a bit ago and told her my frustrations. She was going to talk to the doctor again and get a plan together. I want to be able to take her places especially back to the beach. We can’t plan anything since we never know how she will feel”
‘Did she get her prescriptions? I asked, but she must have been asleep.’
“Mom told me she would get it today. That was going to be her outing for the day, along with getting a Sonic lemonade.”
‘I just saw a video on our local news site with Dr. S. She was talking about certain breast cancers and the trial that they have been working on.’
“Yes, I just saw that. That is my mom’s study.”
‘That’s what I thought. You will have to tell your mom that her doc was on the news. The study sounds very promising.’
“Yes, it does. I am hopeful.”
‘How are you feeling, Laura?’
“Doing better.”
‘Good. Have you heard any news from Kathy? She sent me a text earlier. She said pretty much the same thing she told you.’
“No, I haven’t. Anything new?”
‘She said he wasn’t doing good and that Gary spent the night with him. I asked her how old he was. He’s 77.’
“I see. I haven’t felt like texting anyone. Slept most of the day.”
‘How are you feeling tonight? Did you get your meds?’
“Yes, I did. Doing ok.”
‘Brandi Facetimed us. She thinks her and the new pup are going on vacation with us. I can’t tell if she is serious or not. The boys think she is going.’
“Well, she did mention it.”
‘I was awake last night from 2-4.’
“What’s up with that?”
‘I always get worked up after I visit my dad. I wish things were different. I feel like it’s never going to be. It’s hard sometimes. I guess it just gets to me.’
“Yep. I understand.”
‘Hey, what’s the name of your chemo pills? I just read an article on 41 News that KU is on the verge of curing cancer.’
‘Something 12 chemo tablets. I think, B.Y.”
Saturday evening…
‘Brandi and the pup really ARE going on vacation with us.’
“Yay. That’s good. Excited for you all.”
‘I thought she was teasing, as usual. She said tonight that she has told everyone that she was going with us. She told everyone except us! Btw… We did not invite her. Haha.’
“Lol. It is good that she is going.”
‘Yes, it is. I am excited for her to go. I was really surprised though. You know… I’ve been really down. This is just what I needed. So how are you feeling?’
“Doing ok. Just tired.”
Late that night…
“Hey Debbie, this is Amanda. Apparently, there is a thing called chemo cough.”
‘I see. So, the cough is normal. Is coughing up stuff a part of it?’
“Well, some people did. It is common with the Taxol family of meds, which she is on. Most said, when they finished chemo, the cough went away.”
‘Well, it’s nice to know it’s a normal side effect. Maybe not so good if you are the one doing all the coughing. At least it makes sense.’
“Right. I think that is the one thing that is really bothering her. She can’t eat well and is probably more tired than she already is, just from coughing.”
‘Yeah, probably so. I know she hates that cough.’
I didn’t hear from Laura much over the weekend. She had a baby shower, and I was getting ready for my trip. Come to think of it, I didn’t even hear from her until Monday afternoon…
3:38 P.M.
‘So… Are you okay?’
“Yes. Just weak and so frustrated. I will get thru this.”
‘I know you will. Keep pushing. Good news is coming from this next scan. Isn’t it this month? After the scan, things will be better. Believe that.’
“I know. I want to feel better so bad. I’m ready for my normal”
‘When is your scan?’
“The 27th, on Monday. Wednesday, I will have my regular doctor’s appointment.”
‘Did you know there is no Bach tonight? What the heck!’
“Yeah, I know.”
Tuesday afternoon, around 2 o’clock…
‘How are things?’
“I font know. I cant hesr the boice to get up.”
Yes, you read that right. Some of Laura’s texts are starting to come thru like this. If you didn’t know she was having a bad day, you would wonder if she really meant some of the crazy things she has sent.
‘GET UP!! Did that help? Are you in bed or on the couch?’
“In bed. I am up. Just fighting it. It sucks.”
‘Put some clothes on. I’m coming over. We are going to go get a drink. I have a 4:15 appointment, so get dressed now. I only have a couple of hours. There is a frozen lemonade with your name on it.’
“Ok, I am frying.” “Trying.”
‘Well, you will be frying soon. It’s 94 degrees out.’
That’s what we do. When that voice can’t tell her to get up, someone else has to.
I picked her up and took her by the daycare. I knew she needed to get out of the house. Sometimes, when Laura gets like this, getting her mind on something else seems to help. We got our drinks and got Luisa one too. We sat in the office and talked like we always do. Today, Laura was quiet. She looked tired and weak. Luisa and I tried our best to make her smile. We can almost always get her to laughing. Not this time. She didn’t feel like laughing at all. The only time she expressed any kind of emotion, was when she got upset from coughing. Stupid crappy cough. She looked horrible. I felt sorry for my friend.
8:38 P.M. text from Luisa…
“I talked with Laura. She actually was talkative tonight. Told her I was worried about her and wanted to take her to the hospital. She told me no, she was going to the doctor tomorrow. She said she was doing ok. I told her I heard otherwise. She said she did not want to do chemo tomorrow. She told the nurse that on Monday.”
Text from Amanda…
“Thanks for taking my mom out.”
‘Sure. I texted her at 2 to check in on her. She said she just couldn’t make herself get up. I asked if she was in bed or on the couch. She said in bed. I told her to get up, get dressed, I was on my way. We can go get a drink or something. After I got her, I said let’s go see Luisa. I’m sorry Rachel had to come and get her. I offered to take her back home. I had an appt. at 4:15. She wanted to stay up there and work a little. Tell Rachel I’m sorry. I offered to take her home or come back and get her.’
“Ok, thank you. I am just upset with this whole thing. She isn’t taking care of herself either. She is being stubborn.”
‘I know. Honestly Amanda, I don’t know what to do. I guess I just need to ask her. I don’t know if I should leave her alone because she is frustrated or push her. I know she gets tired of that. I don’t want to make her mad either.’
“Yep, I know. I told her that yesterday, so I think she is mad at me. I don’t know what to do either.”
‘I try to give her space and let her be quiet then she seems to go downhill. I asked her today if she still wanted me to push her. She gave me a look. I laughed and said… Maybe today is not a good day to ask that. I said… Ok, I know the answer. I will ask you this question again after the wedding. She said, Ok.’
“She doesn’t have any energy to do wedding stuff.”
‘She doesn’t have any energy to do anything! I wish they could do the scans now.’
“I know, it’s terrible. It doesn’t help that she isn’t eating.”
‘Let me know how much she weighs. I have a feeling she won’t tell me.’
“Yeah, I will. I don’t think they will give her a 6-week break.”
If everything was going well, the doctor was going to give Laura a six-week break from treatment. This would give her time to build her strength up and feel good for the up-coming wedding.
‘Yeah, I have a feeling she won’t tell me much while I am on vacation. She will think she is bothering me. I’ll still worry. The other day when she was being so quiet… I said there wasn’t going to be any cell phone service in Montana. You should have seen the look on her face. I said… I was just kidding. I was trying to make a point. Now you got a taste of what it’s like when you are quiet and don’t want to talk.’
Wednesday, June 15th. Chemo day…
‘I have my fingers crossed for some relief. Keep your head up.’
“Thanks, Deb.”
Thirty minutes later…
“No treatment today. No pills until I see her at the end of the month. New meds. Hopefully this will work. Praying.”
‘You got your break. You can do this now. You know that don’t you? It’s time to get YOU and your strength back. Take a deep breath and concentrate on you.’
“Hopefully this will work.”
Amanda’s text…
“Weight 118.4. They are holding treatment. Getting fluids and labs. We’ll see again in 2 weeks.”
‘She needs a break. Her weight sucks. Dang it! I knew it would be low. Do they seem concerned about the cough?’
“She said, it is a left pneumonia. Gave her some more steroids and antibiotics. No treatment or the clinical trial drug until after the scans.”
5:30 that evening…
‘How are you doing?’
“I’m doing ok. Long day. But doing ok.”
‘The doctor thinks the new meds will help?’
“Yes.”
‘I’m pretty worried about you.’
“I am going to be ok.”
Thursday…
‘How do you feel today?’
“Pretty good. Feel better. Having lunch with Luisa about 1-1:30, whenever I get there. You want to join us?”
‘Well, good. I can do that. I have to go by the Post Office and stop my mail. Plus, I need to give you Rachel’s shower gift.’
“Ok. Sounds good.”
Laura was feeling better. I don’t know if it was the medicine or knowing she has a break from treatment. I’m guessing it’s a little bit of both. I’m glad I went to lunch to see her. It makes me feel better knowing she is doing good.
We are leaving early Saturday morning for our trip. My fingers are crossed that she gets some of her strength back. Before I left, I told Laura… ‘You’re in good hands. Luisa is in charge. Don’t be getting sick.’