Chapter 28
“She said, Yes to the dress!”
Saturday, December 26th. Journal entry…
“Today I slept in a little. Then up to put things away. Had a dress appointment at 11:30. Today Rachel said yes to her dress. She chose the strapless dress. We will add lace sleeves. It looks so pretty on her. So glad she found what she was looking for. Grandma and Debbie/David were able to stop by and look at it as well. They really liked the dress. It was good that they were able to come by and be a part of this experience with Rachel. Dad would love this dress. I know he would approve. Then home to rest. Watched some Christmas movies and relaxed.”
‘Ahhh! It’s so pretty. I like it. Do you?’
Laura sent me a picture of Rachel in her dress.
“Yes, very much. It looks so good on her.”
‘Good. How was your Christmas?’
“Christmas was very good. I’m sitting here drinking some wine. How about you?”
‘It was good. My kids went home today (sad face). We had a good time with them.’
“I know it is hard. I will be there too, soon.”
Laura talked by text till almost eleven. The topic of our conversations sure has changed. As Laura would say time after time… Life is Good. To me, right now, that statement is more than true. Life was returning to normal just like we prayed about.
I thought about our recent phone calls and texts. You can see and hear Laura’s excitement in her voice. Not only does she talk about the wedding and the kids, she talks about things she has never talked about before. “Did you see the sun today? It was so bright.” And… “The birds were singing this morning. They sure make such beautiful noise.” Occasionally the word cancer pops up, but not like it did before. Ahhh, sleep. That’s what I’m looking forward to. I don’t worry so much when my phone goes off. Maybe now, I can go back to being asleep by nine. Okay, seriously, I’m not that old yet. In bed by nine, asleep by ten. Ha. That sounds so much better.
The one thing that I do know for sure is, that I am thanking God for healing my friend.
‘Man, oh man, I am tired. I think I could sleep all day. I put away all my Christmas stuff and now I am beat. I slept halfway through watching ‘Joel Osteen’ this morning. There was one thing he said that woke me up, that I definitely had to pay attention to. He talked about how this next year is going to be good. How God will pay us back double for our troubles. How many times have I told you that? Keep doing the right thing. Good is coming.’
“I will. It still blows my mind that it has been a year. It’s crazy. I am happy. I am on the road to recovery. I am moving forward. Almost finished the book, ‘Naked Jane Bares All’. It is very good. Also been reading about life after breast cancer on the internet. It is interesting and true. Been experiencing some of the things it says. Like fatigue, pain, forgetting things. Just thought I would read a few things. Glad I did. Hope you have a good day. Rest up!”
‘Dang, you read fast. I thought you have been busy?? When are you reading? In the middle of the night? Ha!’
“LOL. Yes, late at night when I can’t sleep.”
~“Tomorrow I go to my Doctor’s appointment. It has been 6 weeks. I made it without going in before that. Wow, that is good. Things are going well with me. Each day it gets better than the day before.”~
Part of that conversation was to herself. I took this last update from her journal. Even the things she tells herself is sounding positive and good. Maybe we really are there. Maybe it IS a new beginning. Maybe… We really are at the point where life is normal, and life is good.
Monday afternoon text…
“Hey, how’s the roads?”
‘Well before we left for Bass Pro, they were fine. Now it is starting to get slick.’
“Ok. Just wondering. I have a Dr.’s appt. at 3:30.”
‘Are you working right now?’
“No, at home. I work Tues. and Wed.”
It was starting to get bad out. The weather had turned cold and very gloomy. The forecast called for sleet and several inches of snow. Laura was on the fence about whether to go to her appointment. If I remember right, she talked with the Doctor’s office, they told her she could reschedule if she wanted. This alone would tell you the condition of the roads.
Later she told me, she seriously thought about cancelling because the roads were getting so slick. She said, she didn’t know why, but she decided to go ahead and go. Something told her she wanted to get this appointment over with, so she could move on with her life. This would be her six-week check-up and her last appointment of the year. She wanted to end 2015 with hearing the words… All clear. In Laura’s mind… This way she could start off 2016 with a brand-new life.
Her journal…
Monday, December 28th, 2015
“Today I got up and started cleaning and taking down Christmas. It is sleeting outside and getting cold. Today, I have my Doctor’s appointment. It has been 6 weeks. I am feeling pretty good.”
(Later that evening, she added more to her journal…)
“Everything at the Dr.’s appt. went well. Doctor says I am looking good. Not going to do scans at this time. Will do labs and a tumor marker. Will continue to see him in 6 weeks. He also gave me the all clear to go to Florida in January. That makes me feel good. Came home and rested. I have to work the next 2 days.”
Tumor markers are substances found in higher-than-normal levels in the blood, urine, or tissues of some people with cancer. These substances, which are also called biomarkers, can be made by the tumor. They can also be made by healthy cells in response to the tumor. Tumor marker tests check to see if you have these substances in your body and in what amounts. Tumor marker tests, along with other tests can help doctors diagnose cancer and treatment plans. They also predict how likely it is a cancer will come back after treatment and find it if it does.~ This information was taken from Cancer.net.
4:20 P.M. text…
“All is good. Had blood work and he did a tumor marker test. Which are just labs. Everything is looking good. If you are bored tomorrow, you can come and visit me at work.”
‘Haha. Does that mean you will be bored?’
“I might be bored. Lol.”
‘So… How are you doing???’
“I am doing ok. It has been a full circle. Life is good. I feel good. I am going to be ok.”
‘Glad you had a good report. Glad you are going to be okay.’
“Yay. Me too. Been reading some stuff on life after cancer. It is helping. My feelings are real of what I was feeling. But I will be ok with my new normal.”
‘Hey, I’m sorry I was sick that night The Gilda House had their meeting (Living as a Survivor), then Christmas came, and we all got too busy. If you still want to go, I will go with you.’
“We will go again.”
Laura is going to handle post cancer the way she wants to handle it. This will be the last time I will ask her to go. I have tried so many times to get her to go back. Maybe now she is okay and can move on.
Tuesday, December 29th, entry…
“Busy day at work. Did some cleaning in the office and putting things away. It was a productive day. Came home and didn’t do much but rest. David’s aunt had a heart attack on Sunday. She is not doing well. Not expected to make it. I feel so sorry for them. My prayers are with the family. She is on life support. It is very sad to see her like this. I know she would not want to be hooked up with all these machines. It was a lot to take in. Just so sad. A year ago, today, I was in the hospital. Wow, time flies. Glad I’m where I am today. I am in a much better place. God is good.”
Laura wrote more details about their Aunt’s heart attack. I chose to keep that information private. It’s their family. What I can tell you is, Laura was very upset and so very sad.
Wednesday, December 30th…
“Well today is not a good day. My sister had some tests done. It was not good. I was hoping to end 2015 clear of any more bad news. But it looks like we will start off the same as last year. I feel so bad for my sister, Debbie. She sat in the same room with the same nurse (like she did with David) to hear our sister will have to have surgery. We are all worried. It is so soon after David and I got over our health issues. Our family has been thru so much this past year. Everyone is doing pretty well. It just sucks. Lots of prayers for all my sisters and their families. 2016 is starting out tough, but we are a strong family and we can get thru this as well.”
Laura’s text…
“My sister’s test was not good. She will have to have surgery. Probably on Friday. This year sucks!”
‘Oh Laura, I don’t even know what to say. I am so sorry.’
“I don’t know how much more our family can take.”
‘How’s your mom doing? She’s been thru a lot.’
“Yep. I know.”
‘Are you alright?’
“I am okay. My heart aches for everyone. It just sucks.”
I checked in later that night.
‘How are things?’
“Ok. Been resting. My Mom is doing ok. We might know something this weekend. The Doctor said he would look at everything and let her know.”
‘So definitely no surgery on Friday???’
“No.”
‘Keep your head up. I saw this message for the new year…
~2016. Just believe that good things are on their way.~’
“Thanks. I will be thinking that. I need that.”
This was another night that Laura texted till almost midnight. She changed the subject and talked about anything and everything else. At the end of the conversation, I asked her a generic question. She must of fell asleep because she never answered me back. Early the next morning, she thanked me for talking. She fell asleep just like I had suspected. One minute she is talking about some random thing, a minute later she is sound asleep. Today must have really wore her out. She usually ends our conversations with, I’m going to bed.
New Year’s Eve…
‘How’s it going? Your bad year is almost history.’
“Yes, it is. Doing ok. Took my Mom to lunch and ran a few errands. Getting pizza for dinner. How’s your day?”
‘Did you end your year lunching at 54th St.? How’s your mom?
“No. She wanted to go to Chili’s. Rachel sent me what you wrote to the girls. That was very nice of you to do that. Thank you so much. I have said it a million times. Thank you for everything this past year. So you know, I am not doing that good.”
‘She told you?? It was just something I felt like doing. I should have guessed you would find out. Why aren’t you doing good?’
“It’s ok. Yes, she showed me. Well I’m not feeling too good. Just didn’t want to tell you. Body is achy.”
‘Get your flu shot.’
“Are you yelling at me?”
‘Nope.’
“That emoji face looks like you are.”
‘Hahaha. Laura, that’s a smiley face with a doctor’s mask.’
“Oh. What’s your plans for the night?”
‘Well… These are my people. What do you think? I just woke them up and told them I’m hungry. I said, let’s go get something to eat.’ I sent Laura a picture of both my boys. One laying on the bed, the other on the couch, both sound asleep.
“LOL. They really should buy you a nice dinner. Have fun. Have a drink for me.”
‘What? A coke??’
“No! A margarita.”
‘Well okay then, I will. Cuz that’s the kind of friend I am.’
“Ok. So drink two. Be safe and then home to bed. Lol. I might have my own.”
I sent Laura a picture of her margarita. I said, I got a big one just for you. It’s to celebrate the end of your long year. She answered with a quick… “Thank you. Enjoy it!” And then asked again about Brandi and Dave.
For the last couple of days, she has been worried about them. She wanted to know if they were safe and if Dave’s family was safe as well. The St. Louis area was hit with several days of heavy rainfall. A lot of the area has been flooding. It has been so bad that our local news stations (4 hours away) have been showing pictures and covering reports. At one point in our conversation, I sent her a detailed map of the areas flooded. I told her, ‘Don’t worry, Brandi and Dave are safe. This New Year’s Eve they are staying at home.’
She worries about them like she would her own.
‘Everyone is fine. All of Dave’s family are safe. Brandi and Dave are going for dinner at a little bar and grill across from their condo. All they have to do is walk across the parking lot. They will be celebrating New Year’s there.’
“Thank you. I am happy to hear that.”
‘Brandi talked about making it a short night and going home to order a bunch of new clothes online. Haha.’
“LOL. Well, shopping sounds fun. Glad they are safe.”
‘Hey, by the way, Clint says… He is NOT going to the hospital to see you tonight. Remember how we all came to visit you last New Year’s Eve?’
“Ok. Haha. I am not there this time.”
Two hours later, I get another text. She wanted to know how that margarita was.
“How was it? Are you tired now? Haha.”
‘I couldn’t do it. I only drank a little over a fourth of it.’
“What’s wrong with you? Lol.”
‘Ha. Ha. Ha. So, what have you been doing?’
“Laying on the couch. Stomach not feeling good.”
‘You been thinkin’??’
“Maybe.”
‘Are you ready to put it all behind you? Fresh start! New beginning!!’
“Yes. A new beginning for my new normal. Lol. You know, we are old. Lol.”
‘We have been old for a looooong time!!’
“Okay, we are not old.”
‘True.’
Thirty minutes after that, I received another text. This time Laura sent me one of the quotes that she had found. It read…
~Some people are hurting so bad you have to do more than preach a message to them. You have to be a message to them.~ -Spiritual Inspiration.
“Found this,” she said.
‘That’s good.’
“Yep. That was you.”
‘Nah. Whatever.’
“You know it’s true.”
‘Stacey laughed at me because I texted her a few minutes ago and said Happy New Year. It was only 8:45. She doesn’t think I can stay up till midnight. She is right.’
“LOL. I bet I can make it to New Year’s.”
‘I have in the past. My goal tonight is to go to bed with the TV on, wake up at midnight, go ‘Woo-Hoo’ and then go back to sleep. Ha!’
“Yep, you probably will.”
‘Who are these people on New Year’s Rockin Eve?’
“I am not watching it. LOL.”
‘You’re not?? It’s the closest thing to a party we are going to get.’
“I know. LOL. I am looking online and petting the cat.”
Conversations between us just end when one of us gets busy. Sometimes they end when one of us gets tired. I sent Laura another text right before ten. Right before I went to bed.
Here is how it read…
‘I am so glad this year is over for you. I am so glad you are healthy and strong. You have come a long way. You did it! You made it! Yes, you have a new normal. A new and better you. Look at how you appreciate all the things you once overlooked. I’m glad you are okay. I’m glad treatments are over. I’m glad you feel good. I have to admit one thing… I do kind of miss Gertie. HAHA. Just think… A couple of more hours and it really is a new beginning. What are you going to do with it? Have you figured out how you are going to shine? I’m proud of you. Thanks for never giving up. Oh yeah… Happy New Year!’
“Thanks Debbie. I am so ready to move forward. This was a piece of me. Not who I am. I am different. Much better. Life is good. I see things differently. So much better. Thank you again. We have grown a lot this past year. Thank you. Love you.”
‘Hey, I just realized something. I answered your question. I posed that question first. Did you ever answer it? I’m just kidding you. You don’t need to answer. It’s easy to see.’
“Thanks Deb. I thought I answered it. Lol. Happy New Year. My mom says next December we are celebrating. 2015 ends sucky. But we will have some celebrations to do in 2016. So, I’m keeping positive thoughts. Are you in bed already?”
‘Yes, I am.’
12 A.M. my phone goes off. I’m getting texts from Stacey, Brandi, and Laura.
“Happy New Year!”
‘Happy New Year, friend. Did you stay awake?’
“Yep. Was looking at dresses online. Lol.”
‘I didn’t make it. Ha! It got noisy outside and woke me up.’
“Yes, it is noisy. Scared the cat.”
January 1st, 2016. First journal entry of the year…
“Happy New Year! Wow. I have so much to be thankful for. This year is totally going to be much better than 2015. This year is a new beginning for me. I am HERE. I am living my life to the fullest. Jared and the kids came by. Amanda had to work. We played then went to Chick-fil-A and had lunch. It was so good to see them. I miss them so much. Then home to finish cleaning the house. Well, not much got done. Stomach is not good. I hope it passes soon. So, not much got done today. Hopefully tomorrow I can get this place back to normal. 2016 is going to be a good year. I am going to enjoy life. I have so much to be thankful for and to give back. Glad I was able to update my journal and start this year off right.”
~Let go of the old, take hold of the now, and believe that this will be your best year yet!~ Joel Osteen.
~If you don’t leave your past in the past, it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away.~ Author unknown.
These were the quotes I read on this first day of the new year. It’s funny how they seem to find me when I (or let’s say Laura) need them the most. It’s a new year and a new beginning. These seemed appropriate for both of us to hear.
The past is in the past. It truly IS a new beginning. All of us are smiling. As Laura would say… Life is Good.
That is… Until life hit the biggest bump yet…