Chapter 27

  “Hi, I need your address.  And Brandi’s.”

‘Maybe I don’t want you to know where I live.’

“I know where you live.  LOL.  You want to come to the wedding?”

‘Fine.  It’s……’

“Thank you.  That wasn’t so bad, was it?  Working on the addresses right now.”

‘Hey, I read another good one.  Story time…

  Just up the road from my home is a field with two horses in it.  From a distance, each looks like every other horse.  But if you stop your car or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.  Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.  His owner has chosen not to have him put down but has made a good home for him.  This alone is amazing.  If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell.  Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.  Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is so he can follow her.  As you stand and watch these two friends, you’ll see how she is always checking on him and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray.  When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn’t too far behind to hear the bell.  Like the owner of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.  God watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.  Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those whom God places in our lives.  Other times, we are the guide horse, helping others see the way.  Good friends are like this.  You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.  Please listen for my bell, and I’ll listen for yours.  ~ Author Unknown.’

“I love it.  So true.  So good.  I needed a cry today.  Twice, maybe three times.  LOL.”

‘It is a good read.’

“Hey, I am going to take you up on your offer.  I am going to leave after circle time.  Is it still okay?”

‘Yes, it will be fine.’

  Every year, the girls I work with get together for a Christmas dinner.  The daycare staff has a luncheon at work since they are full time, but since there is only a handful of us who work in the preschool, we go out for dinner instead.  We draw names every year and exchange small gifts.  I don’t remember whose name I had this year, but I had my own gift for Laura.  A special gift I had been working on for a while now.  I chose to give it to her after our dinner, so she would have time to read it after she arrived home.  I didn’t want another crying spell and it was something I knew the others wouldn’t understand.  As I have mentioned earlier, it was the journal I had been writing in.  I also gifted her the book she was wanting.  The one she talked about the day I was riding around on the golf cart on that small island.  I’ll take a few minutes to refresh your memory…

  When we started this journey, I asked Laura a question…  ‘What are you supposed to be learning from this?’  When I asked her, she turned that question around on me.  She wanted to know what it was, that I was going to learn.  While out shopping one day, I found the perfect journal.  Written across the front were the words… FAITH, HOPE & LOVE.  I purchased the book, took it home, and transferred over my notes.  I originally started writing my answer in a simple spiral notebook, but when the journey continued, my answer became quite long.  Like I have said before, I have never written in journals, but when I saw this one, I thought of my Mom.  I thought maybe, just maybe, Laura would like to have a keepsake of this time of her life. 

  After I made my purchase, I decided to do more than answer the question.  I decided to let Laura in on some of my thoughts.

 I will share with you because that is what THIS book is supposed to do.  It is supposed to help other people.  Here we go…

~April 15^th, 2015

  How are you?  I thought I would handwrite this one.  I started this on your last chemo day.  I’m not sure if it was an emotional day for you.  It was for me.  When Rachel sent the text saying counts were good and chemo was a go, tears filled my eyes.  I was happy that my friend was getting chemo.  That sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it?  I was happy that the bad days were going to be over and my friend wouldn’t be sick anymore.~

  The next few entries were all these stories I have already shared with you.  The things I kept to myself while going through this journey.  It wasn’t until I handed Laura this journal, when she found out what I had been through.

  I wrote about her chemo, her surgery and some of our texts.  I talked about Christine, and all the other patients we saw receiving chemo.  I even talked about the question that was always on my mind… Why is it me that she always leaned on?  I wrote about her Dad, and how when you lose your parents, you feel like you have to grow up.  But even thru that, I commended her on how she made it thru.  ‘The tears turned back into smiles and life went on.’ 

  I find this journal entry kind of funny.  Maybe I will share this one with you…

~4/27

  I scrolled through my text messages tonight.  You say… ‘Suck’ a lot!  I didn’t read them all, just glanced through them.  Certain words or statements kept repeating.  “I just want to feel normal.”  “I cleaned the bathroom.”  And… “This sucks!”  Hahaha.  I have also come to the conclusion that 4:47 A.M. is a time when your mind wanders.  Another thing I have realized is… We text a lot!~

  I wrote about all the things I didn’t tell her.  The people I’ve lost, the times I broke down, the days I was sick to my stomach because I too, was scared.  I even fessed up and told her that I did exactly what I told her to do… I faked it.  I pretended that I was someone brave and strong.  I pretended that I was okay and happy. 

  I talked about the conversation at the park.  The day my friend, Teresa’s song came on the radio.  I told her about crying in the parking lot.  How that day hit me so hard.  I mentioned my Mom’s friend who died from breast cancer.  I ended that entry with… ‘I know, I never told you.’  I wrote about the feathers and every time I found one.  My depression, the porch, and the little cabin in Michigan. 

  It’s funny, the things I am reading in this journal.  All these stories had their place.  One of the hardest things I wrote about was telling her about Brandi’s co-worker’s mom.  The mom who wouldn’t eat or drink.  I wrote…

~ That night I jumped your case about not eating.  Remember, that was the night I was talking about her.  You called me a hard ass.  Well, she didn’t make it.  She died three weeks later.  Yeah… Now you know why I was on your butt so much.  I didn’t want that to happen to you.  I needed you to eat.~ 

  Laura got to hear it all.  All the things I have already told you.  It’s like this book was already written, I just needed to put the pieces together. 

  I wrote about letting her ‘in’.  This one, I’m sure she laughed about…

~4/27

  As Clint would say…  I have let you ‘in’.  (You smiled, didn’t you?)  You now know a whole new side of me.  I hope you are happy!  On the flip side,  I have also gotten to know you.  Where do I begin?  You are stubborn.  A pain in the ass.  A difficult, determined, kindhearted, loving human being.  You are one of the strongest people I have ever met.  People need you, Laura.  I see it all around you.  You affect people in ways you don’t even know.  You affect me.  You have helped me grow closer to that person God wants me to be.  Thank you.~

  I wrote about the MRI.  The news no one wants to hear.  I told her about the cardinals, my Mom, and the story about her blood clots.  She got to hear all those crazy stories to believe, just like I told you.  A month had gone by before I wrote anything else.  On 6/17 we found out she had to have more chemo.  I think that set us all back a little in our seats.

~6/17

  Well it’s been quite a while since I have written anything.  How did this turn into a journal message to you?  I was supposed to be answering your question.  I found this really neat book to write it all in, and now look…  You had to go and have more chemo.  I can’t give this to you now.  We have more months to go through.  Shoot!  I even had the ending all written out.  (Pay attention to the dates).  I left room for post-surgery to finish the story, now the story continues.  So, guess what?  You are going to get more than just the answer to your question.  Oh boy!  What did I get myself into?  I thought about just throwing all of this in the trash.  But I didn’t.  So here goes…  

  Surgery day-  You looked really, really good.  Sorry about the baby balloon.  Made you smile though.  And the news that followed… Not the news anyone wanted to hear.  More chemo.  I just scrolled back through my texts.  Oh boy.  Look what you have done to me.  I would have erased them by now. 

Well… It looks like God tested my faith too.  This journey, it amazed me.  You take what life gives you and just plain deal with it.  I have seen you bend so many times.  But you know what?  You never broke.  I would have been a mess.  It took me a whole lot longer to process all this than it did you.  When graduation came, it made me think about how many lives you have touched.  All these little kids.  Through you, these kids learned compassion, caring and love.  They learned so much more than many adults will learn in a lifetime.  This has been my favorite year.  Do you know how much these kids love you?  Do you know how much Jack loves you?  (Jack is a little boy we have in our class.  Laura and Jack have a special bond.)  Some of these kids were just what we needed to help us through.  They have shown us… It’s okay to be sad but it’s more important to love.  They sure loved you. 

  Fast forward to the day in the sanctuary.  You were full of questions and worry.  The ‘what-ifs’ were setting in.  I remember Brandi Facetiming us.  She asked me… Where are you?  I said, in the sanctuary.  I joked and said… ‘We are trying to get closer to the Lord.’~  (We sure joked about everything.)~

  I talked about the ‘what-ifs’ and the lady and her blog.  ‘You value life and you have more life to live.’  That’s why you fight.  I ended that entry with… ‘I guess we were closer to the Lord than we thought.’

  I wrote about her hair and how happy she was.  How she was getting back her smile.  And then I wrote about those words that never left me…  “Been resting this afternoon.  Finding joy!   I couldn’t ask for a better life.”

  ~As this journey continued, all I could think about was… I must have more learning to do.  Let’s see if in the next few months, I can figure it out.  I thought I already answered your question.  Who knows??  I guess there is more.~

  At the end of this journey, I wrote some quick updates. 

~10/9- 11/24

  Last chemo, glad it’s over, scans are clear.  Well, you haven’t been too happy.  You’ll get there.  You know… You are going to be alright.  Now get happy.  I think you got it.  I think you are there.  You ARE happy!  Enjoy your life Laura, that’s what God wants you to do.  That’s what your Dad wants you to do too.~

I ended it with…

  ~Thanks for letting me go through this with you.  Thanks for trusting me enough to lean on.  I got to watch the love you have for your family, and their love for you.  That love became your strength.  Cancer may have knocked you down, but love picked you back up.  Cancer had no chance.  Love won.~

  The pages that I left empty were like I said, to fill in post-surgery.  Chemo was over and surgery was supposed to be the end.  Little did we know, the journey would continue.

  Here I am at the page where I told her to pay attention to the dates.  We jump back in time to where I originally answered her question.

~5/12

Oh, look!  The date changed. Ha! 

  I hope I was the kind of person God wanted me to be.  I hope I was the kind of friend you needed from me.  I have cared about you, worried about you, and struggled with you.  And… Yes, even yelled at you.  You have touched my life.  Thank you! 

  I found the notes from the promise I made to you last Christmas.  I hope I fulfilled those promises.~

  I attached the small handwritten note to this empty journal page.  It read… 
  ~Well, I was the one who got your name this year.  I wish I could give you what we all wish.  But I can’t.  So, I will give you what I can.  I will give you ears to listen, a shoulder to cry on and a heart that cares.  I will give you strength in times of weakness and my faith in times of doubt.  I promise to kick your butt when it needs kicking and you know I’m not afraid to tell you when you look like crap.  I will cry with you, feel anger with you, we will smile, and we will laugh.  And at the end of it all, we will celebrate cuz we have kicked cancer’s ass!~

5/13

  So… You asked me what I have learned from this… 

I have learned cancer definitely sucks!  BUT… Cancer also shines.  I got to witness what I call… One of God’s moments.  The love that surrounded you and all the people who cared…  From that young girl at Rachel’s school to our cute little Jack.  People love you Laura.  They have prayed for you.  They have supported you.  They have wrapped their arms around you.  God’s presence was all over you.  Pretty cool, Huh?~

  Now fast forward to 12/1

Full circle.  A year later.  What else have I learned? 

  Cancer and this journey have brought me to a deeper meaning in my life.  I appreciate the simple joys.  They are the sweetest and best moments we can experience.  When I look at a person, I try to look at their heart.  You know… Most people will tell you who they are, you just have to listen.  This life is such a gift.  I don’t want to lose sight of.  Sometimes, you have to stop yourself in the moment and just feel.  You just have to love that moment you are in.  You have to listen… There are messages all around us.  I guess Angels have a way of letting us know what it is we need to hear.  What a privilege it is to feel that kind of love. 

  I read something recently that seems to be true.

When the light from the outside begins to dim, it just makes the light on the inside shine that much brighter.~ Rory Feek.

In your darkest days, your journey with cancer, your light began to dim.  BUT the people around you filled you with so much love… All your heart could do was shine.~

Now back to… 

~5/13

  I wish you so much joy and happiness in this life.  Keep searching for the deeper meaning.  Take the time to stop, look up and look around.  Absorb all that you can.  Look for those God moments. 

  There are a handful of people you carry with you in life.  Those that are so deep in your heart that that they become a part of you and who you are.  Think about it…  Yeah.  If you don’t know what I am talking about… Scroll up!  You are one of those people.   

  I will end this with what I told you on surgery day…

You have had everything you have ever needed all along, through this whole journey. 

You have had Faith. 

You have had Hope. 

And you have Love. 
Love you friend,

Deb.~

  I handed her this journal in the parking lot after our preschool dinner.  I told her… ‘Read it at home, it will answer your question.’

8:46 P. M.  Laura’s text…

  “I am speechless.  I don’t know what to say or where to begin.  Thank you.  You have been there for me every step of the way thru this journey.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Boy, you know how to get to people.  You have blessed me with gifts of so much meaning.  You think some are nothing.  But they mean so much to me.  I stayed in the parking lot and read your journal.  Yes, I cried.  No, I bawled.  Thank you.  It means so much to me.  To hear your thoughts and what you were going thru and somehow, we helped each other.  I am a much better person because of you.  Thank you.  You will never know what this means to me.  This week has been hard.  My heart races.  I feel a little empty.  I shouldn’t.  Boy, I have so much to be thankful for.  My life, my family, my friends.  I think it is a full circle.  Next Tuesday makes it complete.  It started.  Why it scares me, I don’t know.  Can’t put my finger on it.  One thing I know for sure is, I feel normal.  That makes me smile.  Deb, thank you.  As I tell Caleb and Elizabeth, love you to the moon and back.  Thank you for everything.”

‘Well I have been waiting for you to say, you feel normal for a very long time now.  Like I told you in the parking lot when I handed you this journal… Don’t ask me a question unless you want the answer.  You’re not driving, are you?  Quit driving and crying!!!’

“Thank you again.  You know that won’t happen.  LOL.  I cry a lot!  Damn chemo.”

Wednesday, December 16^th, Laura’s journal entry…

  “Today was our luncheon with the staff.  It went very well.  The staff really enjoyed their lunch and gifts.  Had dinner with the girls tonight from preschool.  It was good to get together with them.  I was really tired.  Deb gave me a gift tonight.  It was a journal that she had been keeping, and a book (Naked Jane Bares All).  She had been writing in the journal some days.  Days I was having a hard time or days she was having a hard time.  It was so nice.  I cried so hard.  It was overwhelming.”

  Laura never directly answered my question… What are you supposed to learn from this?  She answered it throughout the year.  Every text, every journal entry, every time she gave back.  She answered it by the way she lived.  This journey isn’t over.  We still have one more anniversary date to get through.  I would hope by now, she would know that it’s just a day.  She got through the others.  She can get through one more.

 ‘So how are you doing?  You know, it’s just anxiety.  The racing of your heart.  Do you have some medicine left?  You can do it.  It’s just a day.  Don’t listen to your head, get quiet and listen to your heart.’

  I had to check in with Laura.  At work that day, she was a mess.  Heart was racing.  She couldn’t concentrate.  She just wasn’t herself.  She was so worried about how she would feel on this last and final anniversary day.

  “I know.  Just keeping busy.  I know it’s just a day.  A day I will never forget.  My life changed that day.  The person I was is no more.  I hope a better person.”

‘Yeah, that’s what I am afraid of.  You, keeping yourself so busy.  You could get run down.  Don’t do that!  We can talk it thru.  Don’t worry.  Yes, you are a better person.  You haven’t thrown anything at me in a very long time. HA!’

“LOL,  Well, thanks.  It is so weird.  I don’t know.  It was like yesterday.  Like my life has been on hold.  But I made it and I am ok.  I guess I am okay.  I want to be ok.  Just normal.  I feel normal, just different.”

‘Yeah, it’s like you had to check out for a year.  Now you are back.  It’s like wow, I need to take a minute and take it all in.  Do you like the new you?  Do you feel less secure in life?  Is that what you are scared about?’

“I like having hair.  But this curl thing??  I’m not used to it yet.  LOL.  I like the new me.  I feel less stressed.  I step back and listen.  I feel I don’t react.  I like that in me.”

‘Curly hair looks good on you.  It makes you look young.  Well, that’s good.  Just means you have grown.  I have noticed that you watch people more.  I used to be afraid to get happy again.  Really happy.  I thought if I did that, I would just get knocked down.  I had to work through that feeling.  I had to realize that it is just everyday life for everyone.  Ups and downs.  I try to be happy any chance I get.’

“It’s ok.  I will be ok.  I like the book (Naked Jane Bares All).  I have a sense of wanting to know things on what I am going through.  That this is normal.  I like being happy.’

Saturday, December 19^th.

  “Today is the Goodman family Christmas.  It was good to be together with the family and see everyone.  It was so different to not have Dad there this year.  I miss him so much.  It was a hard Christmas, but we all got thru it very well.  Mom did very well.”

 Sunday, December 20^th.

  “I was very tired today.  Went dress shopping with Rachel and the girls.  She tried on a few dresses.  She liked one.  The last one she tried on.  It was pretty.  We did like a bridesmaid dress.  It was very cute.  Navy with lace.  Then we went to dinner with Austin’s parents.  It was a good evening.  Stopped by Amanda’s to get my cookies so I could take them to the girls in the office on Monday.”

Monday, December 21^st.

  “Another day of dress shopping.  Went to the Doctor’s office to drop off my cookies and gifts for the staff.  It was good to see everyone.  Can’t believe that tomorrow will be 1 year since my first chemo treatment.  This year has flown by.  Stopped by Dr. B.’s office and dropped off a tray of cookies for them as well.  It was great to see them and wish them a Merry Christmas.  Then off to try on more dresses.  We found 2 she liked.  This is going to be a hard decision.  Took Austin’s parents to see the venue and then we went to Audrey’s shop (where she works) to try on more dresses.  Again, we found 2 there.  No decisions today.” 

  “How are you?  You know, I am ok.  It’s just a day.  A date.  My whole life changed that day.  I fought for my life.  Wow!  Look at me now.  I made it.  Thank you for everything.”

‘I’m good.  Just finished cutting the boy’s hair.  Why I started this 32 years ago, I don’t know.  Ha!  You’re going to be alright.  Just a couple more days to get thru.  Then you can put it all behind you.  Yes, life changed.  But it also changed in other ways too.  Good came from the bad.  You are here.  Right here, right now.  Living, loving, and celebrating life.  God gave you such a gift.  It’s in your heart.  I can see it.  Other people can see it as well.  You feel it, don’t you?  You have a lot of stuff left to do in life.  Cancer was a part of your life but only a small part.  You have grown.  You care.  You are doing what has been placed in your heart.  What a sense of value and purpose.  Focus on those things, not what cancer took from you.  Focus on what because of cancer… What it gave you.  Think about it.  And yes…  I know if it was me, it would be hard to do.  (Easy to preach.  Huh?)  But you have to think about it from God’s perspective.  Yes, you had cancer, your brother-in-law had cancer.  God said… Ok you prayed.  People prayed.  So, I will take it from you.  I will replace a part of Me in your heart.  Do with what I gave you and make it shine.  Now…  What should you do?  Which do you choose to make shine?  The good or the bad?’

“I know.  Just a few more days of getting thru something that I never thought I would ever have to go thru ever.  But I did and I made it once again.  I have been so blessed, beyond any words.  My life is forever changed.  Wow.  You are so smart. LOL.  Love our talks.  I want the good.  I want to share the good.”

‘I’m not trying to make you feel bad.  You know that, don’t you?  It is a part of you and part of your life.  But since I have earned the title of “hard ass” haha.  I have to help you move on.  If I don’t… You can easily get stuck in 2015.  I won’t let you do that.  You know what I mean?’

“I know what you mean, and I don’t want that.  I am moving on.  I have more living to do.  And we definitely have more texting and talking to do, my friend.  You have to get me thru a wedding.  LOL.”

‘Oh crap!’

“Yep!”

 It was Laura’s last anniversary date.  Last chemo day (related) message…

  ‘Full circle.  It’s been a long year.  Yes, a life changing year.  Now a year just to look back on.  To stand where you are standing… Looking back at all the things you have been thru… And as you turn away, now to look forward to all the things to come.  A new beginning, a new outlook, and a new appreciation of all the things around you.  I hope you take a minute to breathe and take it all in.  You should feel very proud of yourself.  You fought a hard fight.  Look at you now!  Go you!!  Yes, it can be a sad day, but it’s also a good day.  NO, it’s a great day!  Look in the mirror, you are here.  It’s Christmas, Laura.  Look at all the gifts.’

“Thank you, Deb.  I bet you are glad you don’t have to send me those messages anymore.  Just kidding.  I appreciate you so much.  Your words help.  Today, I am doing good.  Just cried a few times.  Like now.  But doing ok.  Appointment was good.  Just wear my sleeve when I do lots of stuff.  Like almost every day.  LOL.  My measurements were good.  Same as before.  Oh, by the way,  I can use ‘chemo brain’ for at least 6 more months.  LOL.”

‘Doc said that??  I guess I will give you a break on your chemo brain. Ha!  Glad things were good.  Hang in there!  You have already past the one-year mark!’

“I know.  It seems so weird.  I am so glad it is over.  Thank you.”

  I sent her a picture.  It was that note she told me to hang onto.  I have had this note sitting on my side table since early October.  Why she wanted me to have it, I don’t know.  When she gave it to me, she told me she wanted me to keep it.  She never once asked about it.  I was the one who brought it up.

The note read…

Nov. 5- 1^st mammo

Nov. 19- 2^nd mammo/sonogram

Dec. 3- Biopsy

Dec. 4- Dr. R. called.  Results

Dec. 5- Meet with Dr. R.

Dec 7- Told girls. 

Dec 12- Final results.

Dec 22- 1^st chemo.

  I sent her this picture and said…

‘See this!  All these dates.  Done!  I’m throwing this paper in the trash!’

“Don’t throw it away.  Let’s say a prayer tomorrow and bless it.” 

  I took this piece of paper to work with me.  Laura said her prayer.  She couldn’t bring herself to throw it away.  She said she wanted to keep it instead.  She stared at it for a few minutes and then tucked it away in her pocket.  I didn’t say anything.  I let her do what she wanted.  I would bet anything she placed it in her memory box.  Whatever she needs to do to cope, is fine with me.  I’m just glad for this journey to be over. 

Tuesday, December 22^nd.  Journal entry…

  “Had my OT appt. today.  It went very well.  Things are looking good.  Only have to wear my band when I am doing a lot of lifting, cleaning, cooking, etc…  So, it went well.  Today, it was one year ago that I had my first chemo treatment.  My life changed forever.  Took a present by the Doctors’ office for them to give to a cancer patient.  It feels good to give back.  Today, I wrapped presents all day.  Took a nap and then started again.  I was worn out.”

11:15 P.M.

“I made it.  Just a few tears.  I kept myself pretty busy.  Thank you so much for checking on me.  I truly appreciate it.  Life is good.  Presents are wrapped but not arranged under the tree yet.  I wrapped almost all day.  Yuck!  Feeling very tired.  See you tomorrow.”

  Laura and I met for lunch at 54^th St.  We sat in her favorite room.  The sunroom.  She likes the feel the warmth of the sun thru the windows.  When I got there, she handed me a gift.  There was a tray of homemade cookies for Clint and a black jacket with a pink breast cancer ribbon.  She said, “It’s to remember this journey.” 

At the bottom of the sack was a card.  Inside the card was two more gifts.  I will let her explain what they were for. 

  I get all nervous when people give me gifts.  You can ask my family…  I just don’t feel right being on the receiving end.  When I opened the envelope and read the outside of the card, I chuckled a little and sat back in my seat. 

‘How on earth did you find a card like this?’

“I know. LOL.  It’s perfect. I love it!”

Here is how it read…

~ Two women met for coffee.  They talked about life- things they were working through and things they were learning.  They showed each other grace and gave each other courage.  Even though neither of them had all the answers, they knew that God sure did.  So, they laughed and cried and shared their lives.  And in the end when their mugs were empty.  Their hearts were full.~ 

Inside read… So glad we’re in this together. 

At the bottom, in small print… Two are better than one… For if they fall, one will lift up the other.  Ecclesiastes 4:9,10 NRSV.

  Now for Laura’s message…

“Deb,  Thank you so much for everything this past year.  You have been there every step of the way.  I can’t thank you enough.  You gave me the strength to fight, believe, and the words to go on.  I don’t know what I would do without you.  Your humor, advice, talks laughter, etc.  You have helped me thru so much.  I owe you so much.  When I was down, you were firm and got me back up.   Your words are powerful.  I need that. 

So, the Culver’s gift card… Well, do I need to explain?  A lot of time there talking, crying, and laughing.  Sonic gift card… This should help for at least 2 weeks.  LOL.  Thank you for everything.  You are my best friend.  Thanks, Debbie, for being there for me. I am truly blessed.  Have a Merry Christmas.  Love you, Laura.”

  Can you believe I didn’t even have to help her write this card??    I haven’t had to in a long time.  You bet I joked with her about this.  She laughed and said… “I know.”

She has found her voice by listening to her heart.   Dang Laura!  You did good.  Even though I don’t like to receive gifts, cards I like to hang onto.  Laura sure is a good friend.  One I truly treasure.  She sent me a text later that night.

“I know gifts are hard to except.  But I wanted you to know I appreciate you and your family so much.  I loved the card too!  You are pretty special to me and the girls.  Have a good night.  Thanks for listening today.  2016 is going to be better.  Healthier and even more blessed.”

‘Thanks again Laura.  Clint was excited that his friend Laura, made him goodies.  You know you didn’t have to do any of this.  We greatly appreciate it all.  Love you and your girls too.’ 

Thursday, December 24^th.

  “Got up and got things ready.  Made cinnamon rolls and got some lunch things ready for tomorrow.  Gifts under the tree and did a little cleaning.  Went to the store and got pizza for dinner.  Met Brenda at the cemetery to visit Dad.  Miss him so much.  Today, I would have been taking them to lunch and Christmas eve service.  I will miss that.  This has been a very busy week for me.  Went to Christmas eve service with Amanda, Jared, and the kids.  It was a good service.  Caleb kept asking, “Where is baby Jesus?  Is he coming?”  It was so cute.  I told him that Mike was telling the story like Ms. Kathy did at circle time.  It seemed to help.  When we got home, he told us the story again, with his manger pieces.  It was so cute.  Pretty good for a 2-year-old.  Christmas is going to be so good this year.  The moon was so bright tonight.  It was beautiful.  It was a full moon.  Beautiful.”

Friday, December 25^th.

  “Merry Christmas.  What a wonderful day!  This Christmas was so nice and so blessed to be here with my family.  We had a great day.  Lots of presents and the kids were so excited.  Caleb got his bike and helmet.  He was excited.  He loved his cars, all of them.  Elizabeth loved the wrapping and tissue paper.  The girls loved their presents as well as the guys.  I am so grateful for my family.  This year was a good Christmas.  Truly thankful for them.  So blessed.  The girls got me my rings I wanted.  I am so thankful for them.  They are beautiful.  A diamond band,  pink and diamond band (Amanda’s birthstone and for breast cancer), and a green and diamond band (for Rachels’s birthstone and Hodgkin’s).  A fun day.  One I will remember forever.  Love you everyone.  Miss you Dad.  I know you were here.  Thank you for watching over us.”

  Laura’s message to everyone this year…

Merry Christmas.  Love you all!