Chapter 26
“Hi. How are you doing?”
‘I’m doing good. How about you? Are you ready to go back to work?’
“Doing good. I guess. LOL. I will come up with something for us to do tomorrow.”
‘Yeah, I wondered about that. Since I was sick, I didn’t have a chance to get anything ready for the week.’
“It will be ok. Only a few more weeks to plan before break. Well… They are putting an offer on a house.”
‘They are?’ Getting a little more real. Huh?’
“I will send you the address so you can look it up.”
‘Wow! It looks really nice. I love it!’
“Me too!”
‘Nice yard too! I guess that extra bedroom is yours??’
“Yep. They are putting in an offer.”
‘Are you smiling?’
“I am. Boy, who would of thought this was happening?”
‘God did.’
Rachel and Austin found the perfect house. Everything seems to be falling into place. They love the neighborhood, the layout and all the room. Laura’s reality of having her daughter move away, was beginning to come true.
Remember Laura, we prayed for this.
Monday, November 30th. Journal entry…
“Busy day. Back to work. First day of Upward Basketball practice. Things went very well. Rachel and Austin bought a house tonight. It is very exciting. They are very happy. Things are going in the right direction. They will be able to move in, April 2016. The couple that owns it are building a new house. I’m very excited for them. It is a very cute house.”
Changes are starting to happen in Laura’s life. This time, the changes are good. Laura is happy for both of her girls and she is happy for herself. Right now, she is doing good. She is excited for the future. She has an end of the summer wedding to plan, and now a new house to help set up. The only thing that is stopping her right now is these anniversary dates. Let’s hope the good outweighs the bad.
‘How are you doing?’
“Ok. Keeping busy. It feels so weird. Like it’s so unreal. It has been a year. So much has happened.”
‘Yeah, hard to believe. A lot has happened. But you know what? You are on the other side of the storm now. I was looking at you at work today. You look happy. You look healthy and strong. Plus… You are standing on your own two feet! Glad you’re back.’
“Thanks. I am feeling good. Oh no! My counts could be low. LOL. Just kidding. But they could. LOL. I am so blessed. Not so much scared right now.”
‘Ha! Don’t say that! I’m glad you’re not scared. Kind of a good feeling. Huh?’
“I am glad to be back. Just taking it one day at a time. Life is good. It sucks when our daughters decide to move away. But it is all good. There’s a lot to live for and still do.”
‘What are you a little scared about? The next two days?’
“I am good. Not so much scared. Each day gets better.”
‘So, you cried when that lady bought your drink at Sonic?? You’re funny. That was nice though. Wait a minute… How come you never cry when I buy your drinks? Hahahaha.’
“I do cry inside. I owe you for so many drinks. Maybe just nerves about the next few days. Just hard to believe it’s been one year. My journey has come full circle. Thank you for going thru this with me. Sorry you had to. It was a bumpy ride.”
‘I don’t even know how to respond when you say things like that. As Clint says… That’s just what we do. I’m just kidding about the drinks. And you don’t have to pay me back.’
“Well, thank you. Couldn’t have done it without you.”
‘You know… The next few days should be a celebration, not a day of sadness. How can you be sad on a day that saved your life? You have a beautiful life ahead of you. You have a responsibility to make it great! Friday will be okay too. Another day of celebration. Just how your Dad would want it. Celebrating life! Let him see you smile. He has been waiting a long time for that. I know it’s been full circle. That also means you can close the book. Time to do some living. You are a good person, Laura. There are people in this world who are watching everything you do. Watching how you handled all this and still smiled. You are somebody’s teacher. We don’t always get to know whose… But I guarantee your life has touched theirs.’
“I know. I am not sad. It will be a good day. Everyone together celebrating my Dad’s birthday. Not very many people know that the 4th (My Dad’s birthday) is the day I found out I had cancer. It’s a day to remember, but to celebrate. Happy tears. I am not sad. In October, when I was putting/remembering things, I was scared, unsure, etc. But now, I can do this. I did it. I went thru it. The journey was long and hard. But I did it. It is a part of me and always will be. Will I be scared? Yes. Will I be ok? Yes. I can get thru these dates this month. I will be ok. This is nothing. Already done the hard part. I just want to give back anyway I can.”
The next two texts were pictures of her grandkids. In between those two pictures were these words…
“This is what’s important. Love them.”
Thursday, December 3rd. Journal entry…
“A year ago, today, I had my biopsy. It is so unreal. I can’t believe that it has been a year. This has been a heck of a year. One that I will never forget. So much to remember and so so much to be thankful for.”
I took Laura a Sonic drink that day. Getting her one, along with mine, is just regular morning routine. Of course, I had to give her a hard time about it. When she came into the room and picked up her drink, I stood there for a few minutes and glared at her. She looks back with a confused look on her face and says… “What? What’s wrong with the drink? Why are you looking at me like that?”
‘I’m just waiting for you to cry. I bought you a drink. So I am waiting to see the tears.’
I had to laugh and give her a hard time. That’s just what I do.
‘Do you know how many drinks I have bought you over this last year? You would think I would get the same reaction. Any reaction would be fine.’
“Stop it!! You’re really funny. You know I appreciate them.”
Nope! Not a single tear from Laura. Nothing. Just a sarcastic attitude.
I sent her a text later that afternoon. I felt bad for giving her a hard time.
‘You know… I was just funnin’ with you. Just giving you a hard time. I understand perfectly about you crying when the lady bought your drink. I couldn’t help it. I just had to.’
“I know you are. You know I appreciate everything you have done for me. Right?”
‘Yeah, I know. You DON’T have to cry when I get you a drink. HA!’
“You know, I probably said some weird stuff on chemo this last year. LOL.”
‘Yep!! You did! Haha. You probably don’t even remember much back then. Do you?’
“I have my phone!”
‘Oh yeah! HA HA HA HA!’
“We had some deep conversations. You know? It was all good. Thanks for the therapy.”
‘Isn’t that the truth!! It WAS all good. You’ve come a long way.’
That conversation was at 3:29 P. M. on December 3rd. It lasted about thirty minutes. The next time my phone went off it was at 3:18 A. M. on December 4th. This one lasted for almost two hours.
3:18 A.M.
“ I know I am a little early. It’s been a journey this past year. I have seen so much growth in both girls. I am so blessed and thankful for them.”
Oh boy! Laura must be on a roll. Her mind is going a million miles a minute. Text after text after text kept coming through. Time stamp…
3:18 A.M.
3:18…
3:21…
3:21…
3:23…
3:23 A.M.
3:32…
3:32…
3:32… “This past year you told me to listen to my heart. You know, God had a reason for Amanda to be there each appointment, etc. And a reason for Rachel. God has done His work thru my family this last year. He was there. And I am here to see Rachel get married. I truly believe God knew what He was doing/working with the girls this past year.”
I counted them up. She sent me 10 texts, one right after the other. She was telling me about anything and everything that was going through her mind. When I got finished reading one text, I had to read another. Finally, I had a chance to answer back…
‘Amanda sure was your shadow through each of your appointments. That girl never left your side. Both of your girls were there for you. That’s got to make you smile.’
“I have seen so much growth in both of them. God sure worked in them. He did in different ways. All for the good. I am so proud.”
Nine more texts came through. More of Laura’s rambling thoughts. At 4:41 she went off in a completely different direction. Oh boy!
“Hey, on a different note. Can vitamins make a difference that quick?”
See what I mean?? We weren’t even talking about vitamins. It was just another rambling thought.
4:47 A.M.
“LOL. I just needed to clear my head and think of something else for a while so I can sleep. Haven’t done much of that tonight. But anyhow, thanks for listening as always. We ended the year the same as we started. Thanks.”
‘Well Laura, you have passed up the 4:47 A.M. mark. It’s a good thing we’re not painting with the kids at school today! Ha.’
(Painting with 4 and 5-year old’s can be quite interesting. It requires a lot of patience.)
“Yep! Yes, it is. Hope it goes well. By the way, one of our preschool kids made it to bball practice. He was sick today but came to practice. One of the moms is a coach. She asked me how we do it every day. Haha.”
‘Oh boy!’
4:56 A.M. that conversation ended with a smiley face emoji. And believe it or not, we both managed to make it to work on time. A slow and sleepy day. But… We both made it through.
The conversation Laura and I had really didn’t amount to anything. That’s why I chose not to write every word. Sometimes she has frustrations, sometimes she is scared. Sometimes she just wants to talk. The parts I did write about were the parts about her girls. I too, have noticed so much change in them.
As I sit here writing this (three years later), I can look back and see God preparing and paving their paths. Every step they had to go through was preparing them for this time, this journey. God really is in so much control of our lives.
We don’t always see it in the moment. We may not even see it after that moment has passed. But years down the road, we find our answers to some of those questions about the ‘whys’.
The pieces start to fall into place just how God planned it. Some of it becomes so clear. It’s easier to understand. Then there are those other questions we so much want the answer to.
Those… We must wait on. We will get those answers when we get to heaven.
I took a moment while writing this and paused with my own thoughts…
Maybe we should trust Him more in difficult times. Trust that God really IS paving that path. He has His reasons for what we must go through and He has His reasons where He places us
Journal entry…
Friday, December 4th, 2015
“Happy Birthday Dad. I miss you so much. Today Dad would have been 91 years old. We celebrated his birthday by having donuts with him at his grave. Amanda, Caleb, Elizabeth, Rachel, and me. We sang Happy Birthday. It was a good memory. Dad would of enjoyed it. My sisters were all together today with Mom. We had HiBoy for lunch and all had a nice visit with each other. There were tears, laughter, and lots of talk. Then we all went to the cemetery to visit Dad once more. It was a good day. So thankful for everything and everyone. One year ago, Dr. R. called me in the evening to tell me I had Breast Cancer. Stage II. Everything changed at that point. My life as I knew it changed. But thru this journey I made it. I have become even stronger than before. Life means something to me. I want to live and be the best person I can be. I want to give until it hurts and be there for my family. This day was a sad day, but it is a good day as well. It is a new beginning day for me. Life is good and God is good.”
Saturday evening was the next time I heard from her. This time, the text was early. Okay… I should say late. But for Laura and her texting… It was early.
10:44 P.M.
“I made it thru today. One year ago, David and I met with Dr. R. This journey began. Wow. So crazy. We have come a long way. Scary. But I will be ok. Thanks for being there for me.”
‘Yep… Hard to believe a year has gone by. In a way… It went by fast. Other times… It’s like, wow. A lot has happened. You did it. It has to make you smile. It has to make you feel like a new person. You should feel proud of yourself.’
“That is hard for me. Never been one to boast about myself. But I am proud. I did it again and I am here. That’s good. Life is good.”
‘I told Clint today, that I needed to apologize to you. He has been down in the back for a few days now. Hurting pretty bad. I told him to stay out of the bed. Quit lying around and move. I made him go to the store with me to get out of the house. I said… Give me one day and try it my way. He did! He wasn’t too happy with me. That’s when I said… Gosh, I need to tell Laura I am sorry. I was on her case so many times about eating, getting up and moving. I know you probably weren’t too happy with me either. So, I want to say, I’m sorry!’
I quickly sent another text…
‘Although, in my defense… Clint feels a lot better! (Smiley face).’
“LOL. That’s funny. Well, you were a little pushy. Haha. No. It was all good. I needed it.”
‘As I recall… I was a “Hard Ass”.’
“Glad you got him out and about. Yes, you were a hard ass. Haha. I did need it though.”
‘So how was yesterday and today?’
“Yesterday went very well. My Mom is doing good. Today, it was busy. Left home at 10 and got home at 9:45. It went good tonight. Just making my full circle. But I am doing ok. Just feeling blessed and so thankful. I am going to be ok.”
‘Good. Glad to hear it. Go to sleep and get some rest. Your hard days are over. Remember… Good is coming. God always pays us back double.’
That… Was a short conversation. That one ended at midnight. Imagine that!
Life was going on, just like we had prayed about. Cleaning, spending time with the kids, the family, and lots of Christmas shopping. It’s the normal we all have been waiting for.
I was going to take another day off to spend some time with my family. We like to go to Silver Dollar City each year to see the Christmas lights. It would be a nice end to this journey for me as well.
I will share a few more of Laura’s journal entries…
Thursday, December 10th.
“Another busy day at work and at home. Got to be with the kids today. We had Chick-fil-A for dinner and then home to play with Aunt Rachel. It was a good evening. I truly enjoy each and every day that I get to spend with them. It doesn’t matter what I have to do, I will always have time for them. They need me and I need them. Love them.”
Friday, December 11th.
“Today as all days, was busy. I opened today. It felt good. Brought back some good memories for me. I really do enjoy working early and then getting off early. Today I got my hair cut and colored. It looks really good. I am feeling pretty normal these days. Getting my strength back. It will be good. Life is good. Took Mom halfway to Fort Scott so she can spend time with Debbie and David. This is good for her. She is doing so well. I am very proud of her. Christmas will be different this year, but wherever we are, Dad is always with us. His memory will always be with us. Holidays were always so special to him. Met Rachel for dinner and then home to get some much-needed rest. Busy day tomorrow.”
I made the mistake of telling Laura I was in one of those ‘funks’ before I left to go out of town. I knew the minute I said it, I should have said something else. She was going to read more into it than there really was.
‘Thanks for letting me have the day off. If you end up not feeling well, let me know before we leave, and we will change our plans. There is stuff to make several projects in our cabinet. You know… In case you didn’t make it to the store to pick up the supplies for the paint chip reindeer.’
“You’re welcome. You have no faith in me? I went to the store yesterday. LOL.”
‘You did?? Haha. Sorry Laura, you did good.’
“Thanks! Enjoy your time. Thanks again for listening. But really, have a good time.”
‘We will. Thanks. I think we all can use a little fun get-away. We are all kind of excited. We haven’t really been anywhere since the wedding. I told Clint, maybe it will shake me out of this funk.’
“What kind of funk are you in? You ok?”
‘I knew as soon as I pushed send, I shouldn’t have said that. Then I thought… Oh it’s ok, you won’t catch on. I am fine. Probably just tired.’
“Ok. Just checking. You scared me. Get some rest. And most of all, enjoy your weekend.”
We went on our trip and had a really good time. Laura checked in with me later that night…
“All the kids were here today. It was a good day. We got our project done and made it to the gym. Forgot the worksheet but did the letters. They liked the reindeer, it turned out cute. Are you home yet?”
‘No, we are on our way. You will have to go there sometime with the kids. Everything is all lit up. They would love it.’
“Might have to do that. Sounds like a good time. I am so tired. I need to go to bed. LOL. It’s only 8:00.”
‘Go to bed. The cat will wake you up at 3 anyways. Ha!’
Simba, the cat, has been in a habit of waking Laura up almost every night. It seems like he wants attention around 3 A.M.
‘Did you do Upward?’
“No. Didn’t sleep well. Got my hair cut and colored. Couldn’t hold my eyes open. Sorry. Don’t mean to complain. Just been a long week. LOL.”
‘Why didn’t you sleep? Mind going? Listen to your body. You know… You are not back to 100% just yet. Took you a year to get to this point. Going to take you a while to get back to normal.’
“I know. Just couldn’t. Mind going. Just doing a lot of thinking.”
‘About?’
“Just stuff. It’s been a year. Sometimes I just think and then my mind goes. You know.”
‘I know. I was up a bit too. Thinking about how my life has been kinda on hold for a few years. Always worried about what’s around the corner. My family, my Dad, Brandi moving away and your cancer. If you need to take off Mon. or Tues. so you can have a break. Do it. I got it covered.”
“Maybe I will. I’ll let you know.”
We all need to put our worries behind and enjoy life. We need to take the time to relax and refresh our minds. Something as simple as a little get-away… Can do wonders.
Sunday, December 13th. Journal entry…
“David took us to breakfast. Rachel and Austin went too. It was to the Golden Coral. It was ok. LOL. Then David and I went shopping. It was a productive day . I got a few more things on my list. It was good to go and shop with him. Then home to have Jared and the kids come over. They played and had a good visit. Fed them leftovers and then they went home to get ready for bed. My life is good. I thank God each day.”
‘Hey Laura, I read a poem about loved ones that have passed on. It was about their wish for us. It said… Their biggest wish for us is to enjoy life to the fullest. To live it the best way you can live it. That honors them. I got to thinking… Am I doing that? I don’t know. What memories am I leaving behind for my kids? That I worried all the time or that I really lived.’
“You will be remembered for your sense of laughter. Making people laugh and having a good time. Your compassion to talk to people and to get their butt up and move. LOL. The way you look at life and situations. You are a gift and a blessing. You have a big heart and want the best in people.”
‘HA! Well I don’t think that way. I’m just a person who thinks too much. What about you?’
“I want to be remembered as a strong person who lived life and was happy and helped other people. Someone who gives back.”