Chapter 23
Laura needed to do something to get out of her funk. The best way to do that was to color her hair. She has been waiting MONTHS for the okay to do this. Chemo was over, so she felt it was time to get on with her life. She went to the store to pick out a box of color. This was something she decided she could do at home. Her first attempt left her with a color she didn’t like. According to her… She thought she would like it, but after it dried, it was a little too much red and brown. They didn’t have the color she would normally pick, so she purchased the next best thing.
Later that morning, she called her mom. She wasn’t having too great of a day either. They decided they both needed to get out of the house. They went for lunch at her favorite restaurant, and then a drive to look at the beautiful fall leaves. After they returned to Mom’s apartment, they took another look at Laura’s hair. Laura said she didn’t like it. Something had to be done. So back in the car and off they went to look for a different color. CVS, Dollar General, Walgreens, none of them had what she wanted. They went back to Target where she initially bought the first box. The only choice Laura was left with… Was Black. She didn’t plan to go this dark her first time. She wanted to gradually get back to her natural color.
I didn’t tell her, but it’s kinda looking like your natural color is a salt & peppery kind of… Gray. It’s a good thing I kept my mouth shut. She would have hit me for sure.
Her journal entry…
“It’s so weird seeing myself with color on my hair. It’s been a year since I have colored it. I couldn’t find the color I wanted, so black it is! It turned out so much better than the first box I tried. In January, I lost my hair. June, my hair started coming back in. July, I had a little trim and in August, I got my first haircut. It is very weird seeing me look normal. I needed to be normal after this week.”
A part of Laura’s returning to normal life, is re-living parts of the past. Not only are important anniversary dates coming up, but also the memories that stir up tears. Laura talked about all the wonderful gifts she had received. The cards, the letters, the homecooked meals. Personal gifts and messages of hope. Love was poured out to her in so many ways.
Laura didn’t know how to show her appreciation for all these wonderful things. What I can tell you is… These small gestures of kindness meant the world to her. Every phone call, every text, every card in the mail.
I read something one time about a gentleman whose wife was in a bad car accident. She wasn’t doing well and had been placed on Hospice. He created a social media page to keep the family and friends updated on her progress. I will do my best to remember the wonderful advice he gave.
People don’t always know what to do when someone is sick, or a family member is hurt. I believe this will help in many situations.
Like I said earlier, this man’s wife was now on hospice. Family and friends were reaching out, asking what they could do. He stated he has learned throughout this process, it is really okay to let people help you. ‘People care,’ he said. ‘They really want to do something to help.’
Some people will know instinctively on what to do and others simply won’t. What he has learned, is to let people help you by doing the things they love. Example… He has a neighbor who takes pride in his yard. So, this neighbor has been coming over and mowing his. Another friend would ask… ‘What can I do to help? I want to do something, but I don’t know what to do.’ He knew she loved to bake, so he suggested she make cookies or cake. This brought her happiness to be able to give something she loved. Soon, there were a plate of cookies she left at his doorstep.
He wrote…
‘You let people help you the way they know how to love, by doing the things they love to do. What a wonderful gift that is.’
I thought about this. Isn’t it true? We all love differently.
So when you find yourself in a situation where you want to help someone but don’t know what to do. Share a part of yourself by sharing what you love. If you love to shop, then do their shopping. If you love picking out cards, then send them a card. Express your love by caring for them in your own special way. It doesn’t matter how great or small. When you give in a way of doing the things you love, you are giving them a gift of yourself. That means more than anything.
Laura went to the Doctor for her follow-up appointment from her emergency room visit. Everything checked out to be good. Her entry…
“Doctor’s appointment today. Everything is looking good. Had my picture taken today with Valerie, Julie and Cyn. We all had on our ‘On Wednesdays We Wear Pink’ shirts. So excited to be able to take them a breast cancer cake and giving each of them a t-shirt (Wear Pink on Wednesday). It felt good to give back. An end to a month of goodies for the office staff in celebration of Breast Cancer month and the end of my treatments. Now I move into survival mode. I am feeling nervous but looking forward to being normal. Today, I got the pink Camaro again. Took Deb and Kathy riding around and to 54th St. Restaurant. We had a good day today just riding around and spending time together. What a great way to end a very special month. Stacey was not able to join us. Her dad was in the hospital with a heart attack. Prayers are with her and her family. My counts are back down, white 4.6, phil 2.1. I think?? (I can’t remember, just know they were down from last Thursday). But I am feeling good. Tomorrow I get to watch the grandkids. I love being with them. They are my life.”
Laura took the first step back into happiness and then life took the second step for her. On Friday, October 30th, 2015, Austin asked Rachel to be his wife.
Since Austin lives in Iowa and Rachel in Missouri, they have spent the last year traveling back and forth. Austin’s plan for his proposal was to meet Rachel on the Iowa/Missouri state line. There was a little country road with a bridge not far off the interstate. It was also a pretty place for a memorable moment.
Laura was excited. She thought this was such a neat and meaningful way to propose.
They have traveled so many miles between them. There couldn’t have been a better place to do this. This was the road that connected their love.
Dinner was planned and family was waiting for the news. A little after 6:30, a picture and a text came through. Rachel said, ‘Yes!’ Laura was beyond happy. She had something wonderful to look forward to. The next few months she would be planning a wedding. How is exciting is that?
This may be the perfect medicine she needs, to get back to living a happy life.
I was already worrying about the month of November. It would be the one-year mark and the beginning of Laura’s anniversary dates. I sent her a text the first thing in the morning. I thought if I try and put a different spin on things, maybe this month wouldn’t be so bad.
‘Good morning. It’s a great day! The Royals won the World Series! It’s also the first day of a very important month. I know last year this wasn’t your favorite month, but this year we are not going to look at the negative. There is so much to be happy about. God is paying you back. Believe. This is the month that saved your life. This is the month that pushed you to go get checked out so you could hear those sweet words… Geema. This is the month that brought you to hold your sweet baby girl and watch those grandbabies grow. This is the month that brought you into a deeper relationship with your family and to see your girls grow into incredible women. And now, you get to witness God answering one of your biggest prayers… Planning Rachel’s wedding. This was also the month you got to deal with me. Hahaha! This is the month we are going to get thru one day at a time. We may cry. We may get scared. We are going to live, laugh and love because we know that is what God wants us to do. Just so you know… It’s not my favorite month either (it’s the month my mom died). We have to get passed it. If we were to focus our lives on the months that bad things happened… Well then, we would live a pretty pitiful life. Bad stuff happens all the time. You know what? Cancer had one year of your life. It doesn’t define the rest. Who you are is bigger and better. Have a great day.’
“Thanks Deb, I really needed that.”
Laura was quiet once again. She didn’t talk much for several days. There is only one way she is going to get passed all this… She has to go through it once again. Maybe getting passed these anniversary dates, will allow her the opportunity to live life again. Let’s hope.
“I just updated my journal. Tomorrow will be one year of posts. Seems unreal. Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the mammogram that changed my life. Hard to believe it’s been one year.”
I tried to answer her back as gently as I could. ‘Yeah, it’s hard to believe its been a year. How are you doing?’ Okay, was all I got. She didn’t answer me for several minutes and I wasn’t going to push her to talk.
“Is it weird that I feel this way? Or am I a wimp?”
Laura didn’t have to tell me what she was feeling, I know her well enough to know. ‘Nope. They are pivotal moments in your life. You have to find the blessings in all the bad. What happened? Did you read back in your journal tonight?’
“No. I can’t! Not now. I am a mess. This is so stupid.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t answer her back. A few minutes later she sent me another text…
“There is just so much going on. I had a dizzy spell this morning. It’s stupid. I know I am okay. I can get thru this.”
‘Hey, I get dizzy sometimes too. We all do. You are alright, Laura. Believe it. Focus your mind on the good. Think about the wedding. All the excitement and planning you will get to do.’
“Yep, I know. I will be okay. Crying is good. Right?’
‘Crying is good. You can’t keep it in.’
“My brother-in-law got to ring the bell for his last treatment. So excited for him.”
‘That’s great news, Laura! So happy for him. Of course, you’re going to think back. You can’t help it. I am watching the CMA’s right now. I would always call my Mom and remind her they were on. I still think about picking up the phone. It will be four years this month.’
“I know it’s hard on you. It doesn’t get easier. Those are special memories that you hold onto. She is watching with you, in spirit. I’m like a fountain right now. The tears just won’t stop LOL. I miss my Dad. That’s all I thought about today.”
‘Oh Laura, it sucks being grown up. Doesn’t it?’
I sent her a quote I had saved on my phone. I read it earlier that week. It’s funny how I see something and before you know it, it applies to whatever may be going on in my life. I thought it was good. I may need to read it again.
‘May God give you a sense of what He is up to in your life. May you see glimpses of the breakthrough that is just up ahead. May you with all your heart, believe that trusting Him over what your eyes see, is totally and completely worth it. May you shift your weight off of your logical reasonings and onto the weightiness of His powerful promises to you. You have got help and resources that go far beyond anything you could ever need. Smile with joy and walk by faith today. He has got you.’
Susie Larson
I think we both needed that.
“Thanks Deb. That is good. I believe that. More tears,”
‘I read something else, maybe it will help. When you lay down at night, don’t forget to ask God to take all your worries. Plain and simple. Oh, how we sometimes forget to do just that. You’re gonna be alright. Hang in there. Take it one day at a time.’
“Thank you. I will try. I will get thru this.”
Looks like our rough days are going to continue. But as of now… Another rough day is done.
I started following another blog. This one was written by Rory Feek. Rory is a singer/songwriter and the other half of the country duo, Joey & Rory. I started following his blog when I stumbled across a magazine article talking about his wife, Joey, having cancer. It took me by surprise when I saw it. I remember watching them both on TV. He was a country boy always wearing bib overalls and she was as beautiful as she could be. It broke my heart to hear she had cancer.
The point where I started reading, was talking about how Joey’s cancer was rapidly spreading. I mentioned her story to Laura because these two had the same sentiment as she did. They found joy in each of their days.
This post… I read something that touched my heart. Rory was talking about waiting at the hospital while Joey received a new type of treatment. The story goes like this…
It was early, so he was taking his infant daughter for a walk around the park. As he pushed the stroller, he quietly sang a song. No one was around to hear it. It was too early for anyone to be out. This was a peaceful time to sing and take a walk around the park. As he walked, he sang, ‘I Surrender All’.
At the far side of the park, he passed a small wooden building. As he turned the corner, he heard a voice say, “Hello There.” He lifted his eyes from the path in front of him, to see an older gentleman who had just gotten out of his car. The man walked over, held out his hand and said, ‘Are you from out of town?’ Rory told him he was, then explained that his wife was in the hospital across the street. Before he could continue his story, the man took his hand and said… ‘I’m going to pray for you.’ The sweetest words came out of his mouth as he prayed for healing and care. Rory didn’t know why this man would want to pray for them. He didn’t even know their story. They only met a brief minute with a few words.
As I read further, Rory described how this man’s eyes were full of tears. When the man finished, Rory asked him his name. He thanked him for the prayer. This older gentleman looked at him and said, ‘Wille. This is my place. That little wooden concession stand right there, belongs to me.’ He leaned in a little closer and said, ‘Do you want to know a secret? It might look like I sell snowcones, but that is just a cover. What I really do is encourage people. That is what God has me here for.’
I wish I could share with you exactly how Rory wrote this. All I can tell you is… It spoke directly to my heart. I couldn’t wait to share it with Clint and knew I most definitely had to share it with Laura.
Rory asked the old man if he was getting ready to open. The gentleman shook his head no. He said, ‘That’s the funny thing. I don’t open up for a couple of more hours. God told me to get in my car and drive here early this morning. Now I know why. I am here to pray for you and your family.’
With tears in his eyes he leaned in and gave Rory a hug. The old man walked back to his car encouraging Rory all the way. ‘God has this! Where two or more are gathered, He is there.’
I read this to Clint. I could hardly get the words out. I kept struggling, trying to hold back the tears. That’s when it hit me. That’s my purpose. Laura and I are always talking about our purpose. When I read this, it spoke straight to my heart.
After I shared this with Clint, I sent it to Laura…
‘Maybe that’s my purpose too! To work at a little preschool and encourage those around me. When I look back on my life, it all became clear. When I was young, I was the person my friends would confide in. I didn’t have any life experiences, but that didn’t stop me from offering advice. I would listen and be there. At times, yes even back then, I was the one to calm their fears. I’ve been searching my entire life to find my purpose. I was thinking it was something big.
I’m always asking… What am I supposed to be doing? I could never figure it out. Tonight, while reading this, it hit me. I have been doing it all along. I have been doing what God put me here to do. And with that revelation… Now I understand why I was the one God put in your path. I never understood why it was me, that you leaned on. Maybe I was placed in your path for His purpose. Like I have said all along, I ask God first for the words He wants me to say. Maybe this was His way for you to hear the words He wanted you to hear. (Okay, maybe not everything! Haha). But seriously… Cool story, Huh?’
Sometimes I get excited when I feel something so strong. Laura texted me back, “It is a good story. I can see your purpose. You will never know how much your words and friendship mean to me. You have been there when I needed someone to listen to and give me hope. I can’t thank you enough! You have an amazing purpose. Enjoy it! You are doing great!”
I went with this feeling for a couple of days. Soon that feeling faded. Me being me… Well, I went back to looking for my purpose. Maybe one of these days I will find it.
Laura found herself though, the one that was always busy.
Upward Basketball was about to start. They had a sign-up day on Saturday with 86 kids signing up. Lunch with the basketball crew followed, so Laura’s life was no longer running at a slow pace. “Normal” for Laura Stagg is being busy seven days a week. Oh boy! Now if we can just get rid of that guilt.
Laura was trying to find her way again. She was trying to do things like she did before. For the past year, her life had slowed down. It was easy for her to get tired. Laura was going to try and be that person she was a year ago. She has said it before, “When I’m busy, I’m happy.” Okay Laura, take it slow.
I sent her a text. It said…
‘Don’t let this stuff get to you. Be happy! Just be you.’
“I am happy,” she said. “It’s just different.”
I sent her another text… ‘I am going to be on you about being negative. Don’t let it in. Life will be so much better when you don’t let it get inside. Spend your life putting out what you want to come back to you.’
“Working on it. I will be okay. It’s just that damn guilt. LOL.”
Oh, Laura, I can’t help you with that. That is something you are going to have to figure out yourself.
We talked back and forth for two solid hours. Mostly about idle chit-chat. I sent her another text. I had a thought. It said… ‘Hey Laura, have you ever thought maybe your purpose is to show people about compassion, caring, and unconditional love? Maybe some people have never had anyone teach or show them some of the things you have the privilege to know. Just a thought.’
“Could be. You never know. Hey, can you go with me on Monday? I have my test done Monday afternoon.”
‘Sure. What time?’
“I have to be there at 2. Guess what? The Big Bang Theory is on. It’s the one with Sheldon on the computer screen. LOL. Like you did me with the t-shirt and TV. LOL.”
‘It’s you’re twin! HAHAHAHA!! Gotta laugh!’
“Yep!”
‘I love it!’
“Yeah, me too!”