Chapter 18
It’s Wednesday. Hooray! Laura was able to receive chemo. Her counts were up, just enough to get by. This time Laura greeted the nurses with a sausage and cheese tray. The visit went well. The night went well too. There were no late-night texts. Hopefully, we are passed all these rough late nights. I sure hope so. My fingers are crossed just in case.
There isn’t a whole lot to report on. Life is going on as normal. Laura was working, having lunch with friends, she even went to Disney on Ice with her sweet grandson, Caleb. The most exciting thing that happened this week was a new haircut and style. This time, by a real beautician. She sent me a picture. I said, ‘No color yet?’ “No, not until after chemo.” I don’t think it mattered to Laura. Her hair was long enough she could have it styled. She no longer looked like a cancer patient. She looked like new version of Laura. Salt & pepper hair color with a new bounce and wave. Everyone that saw her, thought it looked great!
Come to think of it, I didn’t even have to give Laura a pep talk this week. She’s back to giving herself ones.
She journaled…
“Today is chemo day. I thought I might not get it, but I got it. #4. Maybe this is it. We will see. Overall a good day. I am okay with this. Just about done. I can do this.”
I finished writing this and was ready to move on, when I realized most of you really don’t know Laura. I felt I should add a little more, so you could understand Laura’s version of normal life is completely different than mine. Actually, it is different from most people.
Laura is a person who never sits still. She will work a full day at the daycare, leave there to watch the grandbabies till mom or dad gets home, and then return home to cook some kind of meal for the next day. Laura and her sisters have cooked and catered for weddings, baby showers, even school events. She was always making some kind of treats for others.
When it’s basketball season, Laura is involved with the youth in our area organizing ‘Upward’ Basketball and Cheerleading. This was something she did with Kathy and Luisa. From what I have been told, Laura was involved with ‘Upward’ for the last seven years. These events would have weekly practices before Friday night and Saturday games. I should remind you here, Laura’s girls were already grown. It wasn’t her children involved in this sport. This was just something Laura was passionate about.
Since Laura’s cancer diagnosis, things have slowed down. (Maybe… JUST a little). Most of her free time was spent with her Mom, Amanda, and the kids. If she wasn’t babysitting, they were off together to attend a sporting event at Rachel’s school. Laura enjoyed every minute she could with her girls. If you ever had a chance to talk with her, you would know just how proud she is. Laura and her daughters enjoy being together. For as long as I can remember, they have always been close.
This should give you a little idea on why resting on the couch was hard for Laura. Laura didn’t have that word in her vocabulary. I don’t believe it was something she ever did. She was too busy living Laura’s idea of a normal life.
The weekend had rolled around, and we all know what that means. Instead of asking, “How are you feeling?’ I asked, ‘Do you feel like shit yet?’ After eight and a half months of chemo treatments, you begin to know the routine. And no matter how much you wish things were different, you knew that wasn’t going to be the case. The weekend after chemo was never going to be good. Laura answered back just like I expected…
“Yeah I’m there. Today I am done. No energy. Nothing! I’m just tired. I feel like I could throw up. I’m going to try to rest and see if that helps. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to complain. Just don’t feel well today.” I answered… ‘Well that sucks.’ “My stomach is a mess. Haven’t eaten much. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.”
I sent Laura a story I had read earlier in the day. It was a devotional message I received on my computer. I picked out the parts I felt spoke to me and shared a little bit of it with her.
‘Just because you get tired doesn’t mean you are of no faith. It doesn’t mean you give up. It is in those times when God sends someone to pick you back up. I know, I have been there. I have had times when I felt worn out and tired. It’s amazing how God used someone or something to speak to me. A couple of times He spoke to me through you.
Laura, it’s okay to get tired. It’s okay to not feel good. Try hard to remember that on your bad days. These may be the days you can hear God the clearest. Listen for Him. Okay?
There’s one more thing this message said today…
It said… Ask God to touch you again. Whether it be with people, circumstances, finances, or health. Ask Him to touch you and finish the good work in you. Ask God to heal you all the way.
You know… There are some people in this world that have that ‘something’ in them. You can see the greater purpose that they have. They’re not here just to exist. They’re here to do something more. You are one of those people. All you have to do, is to listen to the way you talk. You have that ‘something’ in you. Believe it!’
The week passed quickly as life was returning to normal routines. Before we knew it, it was chemo day again.
Getting these last two sets of chemo in has been tough. Laura’s blood count levels keep dropping to a dangerous low. The result of that means chemo will have to be pushed off another week. This time it didn’t seem to bother Laura. She blew it off as, “Oh well.” I figured it was because she knew the last few were within reach. Who knows?? I guess only time will tell. Maybe it was because Laura had something more important on her mind. This appointment she had to say goodbye.
September 2nd, 2015 would be Laura’s last appointment with Dr. R. He was retiring and this broke Laura’s heart. I talked with Laura earlier this week, she was already emotional about this day. She wasn’t sure if she would even be able to talk to him without crying.
Dr. R. had been her doctor her entire adult life. Thirty-two years ago, he treated a scared young woman with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. After that, he followed her through every step of her life. She consulted with him through her pregnancies and on into early menopause. She talked with him about any type of health concerns she had. Laura had a bond with Dr. R. like no other. She trusted him so much that she chose to see him over a primary physician. One thing Laura knew was, that Dr. R. was always a phone call away.
Laura was happy for him and wished him all the best. But deep inside Laura was once again scared. Seeing a new Doctor wasn’t something she was ready for. She was worried he may not understand her the way her Doctor did.
After talking with Dr. R., she trusted his judgement and decided to go with his replacement choice. Dr. M. was going to be her new doctor and take over her case.
Today wasn’t going to go unnoticed or unappreciated. Laura had prepared lunch for Dr. R. and the staff. She spent the night before, cooking and getting things together. Laura’s retirement lunch for Dr. R. … Lasagna roll ups, pasta salad, and breadsticks. She even had a tray of cookies for dessert.
She presented him a handwritten card expressing how she felt, and believe it or not, she wrote it all by herself. She told me, “I filled up one whole side of the card. LOL.” Way to go Laura! I couldn’t be more proud!! She gifted him a bottle of his favorite Scotch. Then through tears she handed him the framed retirement poem. Laura found the perfect paper to print it on and decorated it ever so carefully with a small white lab coat. Laura appreciated this man and she wanted him to know it. He was more than just her doctor; he was her friend.
I think today, even Dr. R. had a hard time of letting go.
At this appointment, they talked about her plan for the future. Doctor R. said he would like to do one more set of chemo. Once that is completed, she would need to be seen every six weeks by the Doctor of her choice. He wanted her to keep up with her scans and be watched closely. Dr. R. stressed to her, that she is considered ‘High Risk.’ ‘It’s important to keep up a healthy lifestyle and do exactly what the new Doctor tells you to do.’
He told her about Dr. M. … He’s a good man. You will like him.
He made sure Laura knew, that he has met with him, and filled him in specifically about her case. He left instructions to take good care of her. His words were “Laura is a special case.”
Everyone in the office knew Laura was special to him. She was his oldest and longest patient. Laura has been seeing him for over thirty years now. Wow!
When the appointment was over, Laura thanked him and hugged him goodbye.
Later that evening, she wrote in her journal…
“Wednesday, Sept. 2nd. Chemo day.
Had my last appointment with Dr. R. Everything is going well. He wants to do one more set of chemo. I will have 5 sets total. Asked him what happens after that. He said I will have to come in every six weeks to see the doctor. Keep up good health and do what they say. I gave him my gift. He really liked the picture and the saying. I was having a hard time with my words. I truly wish him all the best in his retirement. He deserves it. He is a one-of-a-kind Doctor. I will miss him.”
I almost always ask Laura what her counts are on chemo days. But with everything going on with Dr. R.’s retirement, I forgot to ask. I found out later what those counts were. I sent her a text simply stating… ‘Go Home! .2!!!’ She thought I was talking about something else, so I sent it again… ‘That’s point 2. GO HOME and REST!’
There was no way on earth she needed to be working, especially around children in a daycare. In all my years of working with kids, there is always a child with a cough or runny nose. With Laura’s counts that low, she could easily be back in the hospital.
To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if her counts have ever been that low before. That’s a scary low! Oh, I’m sure she felt good. She always does when counts are low. But she cannot take a chance on getting sick!
I get on her case a lot. Sometimes she ignores me and does whatever she wants. She surely didn’t listen to a thing the Doctor had just told her. She didn’t answer me back for quite a while. She probably didn’t want to hear what I had to say. I have come to learn Laura is going to do whatever Laura wants to do. This goes to prove just how stubborn she is.
She texted me later that evening and said she went home not long after I messaged her. According to her, she was tired and needed to rest. Hmmm… You think??
A few days later, this was her text… “I’ve been updating my journal. Caught myself reading it. One time my count was 17 LOL.” My response to her… ‘You must have felt horrible if your counts were that good. Ha!’ “The 17 was when I got the five shots. Wow! Haven’t seen that since.” ‘Oh yeah… I remember that. You sure have had a crazy ride. So how do you feel today?’ “Good. Just really tired. My body is tired. LOL. I will be ok.”
You see what I mean? When those counts are up, she feels bad. When they are low, she feels good. Her only complaint is feeling tired. She needs to get it thru her head, if she is feeling good to go home and rest. I would imagine that would be the opposite of what a person would want to do. If you’re feeling good… You want to enjoy it! Crazy ride, indeed.
I ended that conversation with… ‘Guess what? We’re still eating Belfonte ice cream. Have you finished yours yet?’ “LOL Nope!” ‘We may be eating this ice cream come next year! Ha!’
I meant it when I said Belfonte gave us a lot of ice cream. Even after the wedding, we both still had tubs in our freezers.
Pre-school was going to start on that following Monday, which also meant going back to a full schedule. Since chemo was cancelled this week, that meant the weekend would be good.
Saturday, she traveled to Rachel’s school to watch the Girls Volleyball Tournament. Laura enjoys watching Rachel coach the team. She loves the way these young girls look up to her. Pride overtakes her, in seeing the woman Rachel has become.
Watching high school volleyball and basketball games has always been one of Laura’s favorite things to do. I went with her one time to watch a game. I sat next to her quietly watching as the girls went back and forth across the court. Out of nowhere, Laura starts screaming out, as if she was coaching from the stands. I looked over at her and said, ‘Oh, you’re one of those parents.’ She laughed when I said that. “I can’t help it! I get too excited.” I grinned, shook my head, and then slowly scooted over about two feet. I didn’t want anyone to think I was with this loudmouth who was vocalizing her opinions from the sideline. Okay, I made that last part up. But I did think to myself… Oh boy! I would have never imagined this. She wasn’t even a parent of any one of these kids.
Sunday, she spent time with the family having a BBQ cookout. All the kids were there. Each one representing their favorite sports team by the t-shirt they were wearing. From Chiefs to Mizzou, now add a new one to the group… Green Bay Packers. Laura and David had their team shirts on too. A perfect combination makes for a perfect family picture. One… Laura cherished!
Laura journaled…
“Had a good time today and a good cookout. Took a family picture. Chiefs, MU, and Green Bay Packers. What a picture! Turned out pretty good. Tomorrow is the first day of Pre-school and back to work. Feeling nervous about going back to work full-time. We will see how it goes. Things are feeling pretty normal. Only thing is, I feel like I am back in my fast pace again. Need to slow back down and enjoy each day. Today was beautiful. The weather and being with family. I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
Throughout this journey, I have come to know my friend in a different way. It’s hard for me to believe that I have known this woman for several years and never knew we were so much alike. Maybe it’s just the fact that you take the time to get to know someone, to talk about things most people never talk about. Things like feelings, fears and the simple things that bring someone joy. I have learned… It’s okay to express some of those things you keep deep inside. You find out others feel that way too. I never would have thought my co-worker and I would have such a similar connection. I am glad this journey has opened that door.
One night I sent her a text, telling her how I have been trying to change my way of thinking. I have a habit of always thinking the worst. In my text, I told her my plan. ‘When a negative thought comes into my mind, I am going to try and change it into something positive. I am going to tell myself, that what I am worrying about is not true. Instead, I’m going to say something good is going to happen. I am going to remind myself that everything is going to be alright.’ Laura texted me, “Funny you say that. I have been doing that same thing myself, changing the negative into something good. Sometimes it is hard.”
We had a way of helping each other. Laura always believed that I was the one who helped her, much more than she has helped me. I don’t know that to be true. Sure, I did a lot of talking. I have a way with words that can make a person think. Laura, she had a way of living her life. She was that example you so wanted to follow. She wanted to live her life exactly how God wanted her to live it. And if a problem ever arose, finding joy was always her answer. She proved that time after time. She would say to me, “Life is short. Live each day and be happy. Be sad when you need to be. Enjoy the day and find the good in it. Life is so worth living.”
You wouldn’t think a person going through cancer could teach you so much.
I have watched Laura find the light on the darkest of days. I have seen her be strong when I didn’t know how she could be. I have watched how she has picked herself up every time cancer has knocked her down. And… I have witnessed her having the most positive outlook on life of anyone I have ever met. Her comment… “Finding Joy! I couldn’t ask for a better life.”
A person with cancer is the best person to teach you this and more. They know the value and importance of each day we are given. They see the joy in the things we tend to overlook. They cherish the things we often take for granted. They value family over anything else and spending time together is what matters the most. But I think the biggest thing a person with cancer teaches us… is about love. They know love the way God wants us to know love. Bottom line… Nothing else really matters.
It’s what you have in your heart. It’s the most important thing you can give and the greatest thing you can ever receive. Laura knew love is the most important gift of all. Like I said… I watched Laura be that example.
God has placed me in this path on purpose. I don’t know whether it is to help her or for her to help me. I’m starting to believe it is for us to help others. Whatever it may be, His reason for this is greater than I could ever imagine.
I sometimes think about this book I am writing. It amazes me on how easy it is to write. The words just come to me and somehow a story is told. Laura wanted this story to be told. She wanted to touch the lives of others. She wanted her story to be something someone could relate to, so they would never feel alone. I look back on this journey and I see a glimpse of God’s purpose. That is why I am hoping reading this, will touch something inside of you. I hope it gives you a better understanding. Makes you want to be a better friend. I hope by reading this, it makes you take a little more time to reach out to the people around you. Let them know you care about them. Tell them you love them. What if God is using you? You may be in someone’s path too. And that is something I hope you don’t ever miss out on. Somebody just might need you just like my friend needed me.
What an incredible gift that is!