Chapter 12
The girl’s weekend was over, and the Doctor’s visits had begun. Monday morning, Laura went to see the cardiologist. This visit went well. Laura no longer needed to take the medication to slow her heartrate. The Doctor said to take it, only if you feel you need it. That made Laura smile. Future visits were only necessary if Dr. R. recommended it.
Tuesday, she had an appointment with the surgeon. Laura noticed some leakage coming from Gertie. Dr. Be. examined her and said everything was fine. The drainage was still higher than what she wanted it to be. It had been steadily registering at 45. She suggested they keep it in until Monday.
Wednesday, she had another appointment with the nurse practitioner. They went over the final details about next week’s chemo. Laura told her she still had the drain tube in. “Dr. Be. wouldn’t remove it because it was still too high.” The nurse practitioner encouraged her to take it easy and rest. Chemo wouldn’t start until after the drain tube was removed. Laura knew she was running out of time. The rest of the day was spent at home on the couch.
Late that afternoon, Laura noticed Gertie was leaking more. It worried her, so she called the Doctor. They wanted to see her first thing in the morning.
Thursday was test day. Laura and Rachel were up early for a full days’ worth of appointments. The first stop would be Dr. Be.’s office. After a quick examination, it was determined the drain tube is starting to fall out. Dr. Be. said it was still working well. She would like to leave it in a few more days. Laura wasn’t sure about this. But trusted the Doctor knew what was best.
They left there and went to the Oncologist’s office. Nurse Julie was going to access and flush her port. It’s been awhile since she has had this done. Laura was nervous about doing this. There’s always a chance it could be clogged. I am told… The implanted port will need to be flushed every 4 weeks when it’s not being used. This is done to make sure it doesn’t become blocked. If it becomes blocked, it may not work anymore and may have to be removed. That scared Laura. She didn’t want that to happen. Julie assured her everything would be fine. Laura was relieved when everything ran clear.
Laura has talked about getting her port flushed before. She has told me about the horrible taste it leaves in your mouth. Therefore, she always has some kind of gum or mints handy in her purse. Before they start this procedure, Laura pops a few in her mouth. The flavor of these candies drowns out that nasty taste.
Next, they went downstairs to check in for the scans. Once the paperwork was completed, Laura was whisked off to the back. First, she received an injection for the bone scan. This was a dye that would travel throughout her body. The nurse explained how this allows the bones to take up the contrast for a perfect scan. Laura was told this would take a while. She would have a few hours to wait. After the injection, she was escorted down the hall to another room. Here she would have her CT scan. This scan averages 30-45 minutes to take.
As soon as that was over, Laura and Rachel left the hospital to get some lunch. There’s a shopping mall close by. So, you knew there would be a trip to the Hallmark store. The girls looked at the clock, they still had more time to waste. That meant a little more shopping at a few more stores. Laura loves shopping with her girls. It’s one of their favorite things to do together. Neither one, seemed to mind.
The time was spent well, and they were back at the hospital waiting for the bone scan. Amanda was off work now. She came up to relieve Rachel. She was going to sit with Laura while she waited for her test.
Rachel and Austin had tickets to the Royals game. Laura told her to leave, the game is about to start. She wanted her to have fun with her friends. The girls hated leaving Laura. They were always by her side. There were only a handful of appointments that these girls have missed.
After a little more waiting, it was finally Laura’s turn. The test was quick and easy and soon they were headed for home.
In a few days’ chemotherapy was going to start. Laura was antsy and tired of sitting around. Everyone had gone out of town for the weekend, so Laura had the house to herself. Since no one was around to keep Laura in check, Laura was going to do whatever she wanted. The house needed cleaning. The way Laura would clean it. And laundry was waiting to be done. Soon she was out the door to do some shopping. She decided she needed some paint. According to her… Since she has been resting so much, this has allowed her time to look at the walls. “They need touched up,” she said. “And I’m going to do it.” Add to that… she decided to grout the bathtub. I was out of town and didn’t know any of this. I have a feeling she didn’t tell anyone. Gertie didn’t like Laura very much that day. Honestly, Laura didn’t care.
Saturday morning, Laura’s sister, Brenda, came by. She was going to vacuum the house.
Laura journaled how she loved their talks and how much she appreciated her help. She wrote about a memory that Brenda had shared. One that brought her so much joy…
Brenda reminded her what they were doing, this time six years ago. Most of that summer was spent ‘party planning’. Which is something Laura and her sisters love to do.
They had two kids graduating from college, one from high school, three getting married and one pregnant due in August. So, between May of 2009 to October 2009 a lot has happened. Laura wrote… “It was full of graduations, bridal showers, weddings, a baby shower, and a baby. Wow! What a busy year!”
Sunday was Father’s Day. Laura wrote a sweet message to her Dad in her journal. I will not be sharing that. It is a message just for him.
Monday, Laura had her appointment with Dr. Be. It was time for Gertie to come out. Laura had her fingers crossed hoping this would happen. Believe it or not, she wanted chemo to start. She wasn’t sure what the Doctor would do since there was still leakage at the site. Dr. Be. said everything looked great! We can remove it. She said with lite pressure and a band-aid, the leakage should stop on its own. Laura was thrilled about this. Now she could sleep however she wanted. She didn’t have to worry about a lying on the tubes.
The nurses laughed when Laura told Gertie goodbye. They said, ‘This was a first! No one has ever named their drain tubes before.’ This would be something they would always remember.
Laura felt good when she left that office. She was glad to see Gertie go.
Good riddance ‘Ole Gertrude’. You pain in the ass! We might miss you, JUST… A little. We sure had a lot of fun with you.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Second round of Chemotherapy treatments.
Doctor R. said this is preventive care. This should take care of anything they may have missed and be proactive on what it could become.
I got up early to send Laura my text…
‘Round 2 is about to begin. I have deleted my text messages and ready to go again. Now you delete yours!’ I shared with her some of my thoughts…
‘We are all afraid of the unknown. All we want in life is a ‘for sure.’ I told her… ‘I Believe this is God’s way of giving you that. His guarantee that all the cancer will be gone. This is His way to cover your ‘what ifs’. His way of letting you know ‘for sure.’ I reminded her that God is right by her side. “Don’t forget to smile and always Believe. I’m your friend Laura. Lean on me when you need to.’
Laura answered back, “Round 2. A piece of cake compared to what I have already been through. It can’t be as bad as that. Could it? I Believe and I can do this! I have God by myside taking care of things. I have a great family, friends, and you best friend. I couldn’t go through this without you by my side. By the way, I didn’t erase any of my text messages.”
Are you kidding me?? I can’t believe she didn’t erase! ‘You don’t need those texts, Laura. Everything you need has always been inside of you. Look within.’
Amanda and Elizabeth went with her. Laura sent a picture of baby Elizabeth sleeping in the chair. The clinic was running behind, so the appointment ended up taking longer than expected. Laura called me after she got home. She said she wasn’t feeling well. She felt different. I asked her what she meant. “I feel sluggish. My head hurts like a headache and I feel a little sick to my stomach. I don’t think I’m going to throw up. I don’t know. I just don’t’ feel right.”
I wondered if she was afraid of feeling what she had felt before.
In her journal she wrote…
“It’s funny- My counts are at 4.1. Funny thing is- I can’t receive chemo if my counts are at 3.0. If I am at a 4.1 now with no chemo for the past two months… What will my counts be like next week? This should be interesting. I am thinking positive and all is good. God has got me. I can do this! I can beat this!”
I wonder if it was her nerves getting to her. Let’s hope this doesn’t last. It didn’t. She felt better the next day.
Laura’s family was in town for mom’s birthday. She was turning 86. Laura told me they celebrated by having a nice lunch together. A good visit and a very good day!
Friday was her appointment with the Occupational Therapist. Laura’s right arm had been feeling tight. The therapist asked her how long the drain tube had been out. Then observed the movements of her arm. Laura was able to do a full range of exercises but only for only a short amount of time. The therapist was happy about this. She said the range was good. It would take time to get back to normal. They would check her progress again in two weeks.
During this visit, they fitted her with an arm sleeve. This sleeve will help prevent swelling in her arm. Swelling can occur in the arm where the lymph nodes where removed. It’s important for Laura to wear this sleeve whenever she is flying on a plane or doing any kind of physical activity. I asked Laura about the plane part. She said it has something to do with the pressurized cabin. The pressure can cause her arm to swell.
I had gone out of town for the weekend to prepare for my daughter’s wedding. Dave, her fiancé, and his family live in St. Louis. The wedding was going to take place there. St. Louis was also going to be where they would live and make their home. Brandi had sold her house here in Independence. She had packed up her stuff and moved the month before. Her house was three streets over from ours. I thought that was neat how she always wanted to live close. Having her start a new life four hours away from here… That was going to be hard.
With wedding day approaching, you find yourself being happy for her, but sad for yourself. I have shared my feelings many times with Laura. We talked about how hard this was going to be. We have had many conversations about what life would be like if our girls moved away. Laura understood what I was feeling. It seems like lately, our lives parallel each other’s.
You try to be strong and want the best for your daughter. But losing your best friend to a new family far away… Well that can break your heart. Laura feared this too, as she watched Rachel and Austin’s relationship becoming serious.
Laura and I made a promise to each other. We would help each other through this stage of our lives. After what both of our girls have been through… We wanted nothing more than for them to be happy. Letting go was hard.
My life paved the path for Laura’s. I was able to let her know how it felt each step of the way. She was always asking, and I was always honest. I tried to prepare her on what to expect. Laura knew Austin cared for Rachel. She could see it. She knew he was the one.
Laura feared that day was coming. The day that was just like mine. In her heart… Laura already knew. Rachel would soon be moving away.
Life has a way of working out for the best. God has healed our daughter’s hearts. He has answered our prayers by giving them the kind of love we have always wanted for them. And even though this is not how we had planned it. We never wanting our girls to move away. God had a bigger plan. He saw the bigger picture. He answered our prayers at the cost of our hearts.
Laura sent me a text while I was out of town.
“Day 3 sucks! I am not feeling well. I feel so weak. I have no energy at all.”
I was hoping this chemo would be different. I hoped she would feel better and life wouldn’t be so hard. But I guess it’s going to be like the other chemo treatments. Weekends would knock Laura off her feet.
Laura said she wasn’t eating again. She felt nauseated and wanted to throw up. Since her last appointment, she had lost 4 pounds. I begged her again, you have to eat. She said it was hard. Everything tastes like metal. “I’m trying but I can’t.” I was afraid of this. Nothing is ever easy for Laura. But I have also learned that this was temporary. She would feel better in a few days. The sad thing is… We know this will flip. Come next weekend she will feel bad again. Just like the first set of chemo… The process repeats.
The week had past, and it was chemo day again. My chemo day messages were growing longer. There would be times I would write these the night before. Honestly, I didn’t know what to write.
I never missed a chemo day message. I take that back. I missed one. That morning I felt like she didn’t need it. Come to find out, she had a horrible day. I felt bad that I didn’t send her a word of encouragement. I ended up sending her one later in the day. Now it has become kind of like a ritual. Laura looks for these little pep talks. According to her, she needs them. Here is what I wrote today…
‘It’s easy to tell someone it will be okay. You just have to toughen through it. When in all honesty, YOU know this is easier said than done. You would give anything on earth not to have to feel this way. To go through all this awful stuff again. Sometimes… ‘The Encourager’ has to say these things. They understand they are not living in the moment you are in. They are not feeling what you are feeling. But they say these things because they believe in you. They see the bigger picture. But more than that… They have to be that little bit of hope, so you might see it too.’
Laura had her chemo that day. She only received half the dose. Her counts were just above the border line. Right at a 3.1. Her Doctor said we are going to push it anyway. He emphasized to her, ‘If you have a fever, you go straight to the Emergency Room!’
Oh boy, Laura! Sounds to me like you are cutting it close! Please be careful.
This friendship of ours has progressed to a new and different level. I’m not sure I want to know so much stuff!
Here is the latest…
Laura now informs me about her poop. Yes, you read that right. Her poop! Oh boy!!
I get to know when she goes and when she doesn’t. Most of the time, she doesn’t. I’m guessing the side effects from the new medication, well… It can cause this kind of problem. It has become very natural (no pun intended) for me to ask her, ‘How’s your poop problem today?’ I would imagine not too many people (I may be the only one) who knows their boss’s poop.
I’m thinking this is a good reason for a raise!
I changed the subject and asked how her incision was doing? You know… Where Gertie had made her home. Laura said it had FINALLY stopped leaking. She had been compressing it for five days now. She wondered if it would ever stop. It is crazy that she has had drainage from her surgery site that has lasted for a total of 8½ weeks!!!
One evening, Laura and I had been talking. She brought this up all on her own. She said… “You know my first set of chemo? (The cycle I had before the surgery). That was a scary time. I don’t know what I would do without you helping me through. Some of this is hard to believe. I almost texted you this morning around 4 AM. I was crying, like I am doing right now.”
I asked her what was going on. She said, “What if the cancer isn’t gone? What would the girls do? What about Caleb and Elizabeth? Who would take care of them? What about my family and friends? It is scary to think about.”
I reminded her she was going to be alright. I told her, ‘You have a new angel watching over you. Your Dad has already had a talk with God. This talk was about you! Listen to your heart. Your Dad is right there. Listen to what he would say.’
She brushed it off again as… “I’m just having a moment.” She didn’t text anymore. I didn’t hear from her for a couple of hours.
Before I went to bed, another text came thru. “I know my Dad is watching over me. I know the cancer is gone. I’ll be alright. I just didn’t feel well, and my mind was going. I have a great bond with Caleb and Elizabeth. They are so worth fighting for!”
Journal entry July 7th…
“Been very teary the past couple of days. Don’t know why. Everything seems to make me cry. (Songs on the radio, things they might be saying on K-Love and then seeing two red Cardinals). I am so blessed to have so many people that care about me. I am overwhelmed with the support and prayers I have received. It is hard to accept these gifts I have received. It is hard for others to do for me. I am a giver not a receiver. This has been hard for me. I am so thankful for everything that everyone has done for me. I am truly Blessed. It is very emotional for me. I am just so Thankful for Everyone. I love them so much!”
I love the funny stories and the way Laura thinks.
I was out of town for the weekend so I thought I would check in.
Our conversation goes like this…
‘How did you feel this weekend after chemo?’
“Better! You know after my poop problem left. I am feeling good! I am having trouble sleeping, so I am tired. I don’t know why. I’m not taking any medicine. I don’t ever want to have my poop problem EVER again! LOL. Other than that, I feel good. You know this year our kids will probably be into the minions (the little yellow guys).”
I said… ‘WHAT??? You went from poop problems to minions?? Hahahaha!! Laura said, “Yep! I saw it on TV.”
Good Lord. What do you say to that? I just answered back… ‘Hey Laura, thanks for fighting!’ She replied… “You’re welcome.”
The next morning, I sent her a ‘saying” I saw on Facebook. It said…
‘Take Chances… Tell the truth. Learn to say NO. Spend the money on things you love… Laugh until your stomach hurts. Dance Even if you are too bad at it. Pose stupidly for photos… Be Child-like. Moral: Death is Not the Greatest loss in life… Loss in life is when life dies inside you while you are Alive. Celebrate this event called Life.’
Laura said, “I like that. That is good! We are doing that… Living Life. Let’s do this!!”
And that is what she did.
Laura was loving this world we live in. She was constantly looking for its beauty. She told me about seeing two red Cardinals. “My Dad and your Mom, they are taking care of us.” And then she posted a smile.
She sees the world differently now. She sees what the rest of us miss.
Take the time to look around. Find your own beauty in your busy day. Don’t wait until your life drastically changes. The time to live is now.
Later that evening Laura texted me…
“What’s wrong with me? I’ve been so emotional for the last two days. I can’t stop crying!”
I told her sometimes we get that way. It’s okay to cry. If you need to, do it. There is nothing wrong with that. We talked for a while about how she felt. “I am so thankful for everything. My family, my friends, and for everyone that has been praying for me throughout this journey. At times I am overwhelmed. There is so much love and support. I am so very thankful. How do you tell everyone thank you for their support, their prayers, the cards and all the gifts? I appreciate all of it! I am so Blessed.”
Laura couldn’t stop crying. She was a mess.
I smiled and told her… ‘Take it all in. Not too many people get to experience this kind of love. I’m sure it’s overwhelming. Let it sink in. Feel those emotions. It is meant to change you.’
I went on to say… ‘You thank them, by being you. That is why they pray. That is why they care. They have simple unconditional love for you.’
I understood where she was coming from. She is a lot like me. It is hard for me when people give me stuff. I am the one who likes to give. Receiving has always been hard.
“But it is so overwhelming,” she said. “You just don’t realize how many people there are that care.” I said, ‘I know this is hard to be on the receiving end. This time in your life God wants you to receive. He is expressing His love through all the people around you. Receive it. Take it all in.’
Laura thanked me for believing in her. She thanked me for all the times I have pushed her through. And as always… She ended the conversation on a positive note. “I can beat this! I will again live my life. I just need to get through this chemo, then everything will be fine.”