Chapter 3

I really had no intentions on putting this next part in the book. But our friend Luisa, insisted that it had to be in here. 

  One evening, my family and I went out to dinner to celebrate my daughter, Brandi’s, birthday.  I sent Laura a text earlier that day before we left.  I have reached the point in my conversations with Laura where all my texts start off the same way.  ‘How are you feeling?’  It has been a few weeks now into Laura’s treatments and frankly she wasn’t feeling that good at all. 

   The restaurant was busy, so we had a short wait.  Brandi and I sat down on a small bench in the foyer.  Brandi asked if I had talked to Laura, she wondered how she was doing.  ‘I haven’t heard from her’, I said.  ‘I sent her a text before we left asking how she was, but she hasn’t answered me yet.’  While we were waiting for our table, Brandi was telling me about her co-worker’s mom.  This woman was fighting cancer too.  She became very sick and weak, she had to be hospitalized.  According to Brandi, her friend didn’t know what else to do.  The mom had stopped eating and drinking and refused to even try.  Instantly my mind went to Laura.  Brandi said her friend was upset and very worried about her mom.  

  Within minutes it was our turn to be seated, so we pushed the word ‘cancer’ aside.  Our focus now, was to enjoy our birthday dinner. 

  I was already finished with my meal when Laura answered me back.  “I’m feeling really tired and I don’t know why.  I haven’t been doing anything to cause it.”   

Laura had only been a month into her chemo treatments and she too was not eating.  I responded back quickly as if I had something important to say.  I said, ‘It’s because you need to eat more!’  I went on to say, ‘I’m going to start getting on your butt about it.’  I told her about the conversation Brandi and I just had.  I emphasized ‘We are NOT going to let that happen!  Are we?’  I didn’t even give Laura a chance to respond before I sent her another text.  ‘I understand it is hard, but you are going to have to push through it!  Maybe then, your stomach will start to get used to food again.’  

  I felt I had been quiet about this long enough.  I told her… ‘It’s going to be tough getting to that point, but we ARE going to get there.’  Laura hadn’t been eating and when she did eat, she picked at her food.  A small child would eat more than what Laura did. 

  I wasn’t sure what kind of response I would receive, but I can tell you this… I was surprised with this one!  I’m not even sure if I got passed the first sentence.

Here is what it said…

“Ok, Hard Ass!  I am trying!  I had some plain pasta, it was okay.  Rachel is going to bring me home a vanilla shake and I will try that too.   Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  Thanks for the push.  I am NOT going back into the hospital!”

For the first time I was speechless!  No one has ever called me a hard ass before.  Everyone sure thinks it is funny though!  I am not sure I find the humor.

  Laura started telling me daily what she had been eating.  Probably because in the past, I had asked her so many times.  It got to the point where a simple ‘How’s it going?’ turned into a menu outline of the meals of her day.  I had to laugh at her.  I said, ‘Well good!  But what makes you think I was even going to ask that question?’  Asking her, must really irritate Laura, because that text she didn’t even answer to.

  Several days later Laura needed to be talked through another bad day.  I was finding myself having to do this more often.  I listened as she poured out her frustrations.  I reassured her, she’s got this, and she was going to be okay.  Laura ended our conversation with, “You promise to be a hard ass?”  I sat there in silence and slowly shook my head.  I typed out the words… ‘Do you want me to?’  She answered “Yes, I do!  I need you to.” 

  I wear that title proudly now and laugh about it too!   I guess being called a hard ass isn’t all that bad, if you know you’re helping someone through.

 I finished writing this story and put it in the book because Laura and Luisa wanted me to.  And to tell you the truth, I thought I wrote it quite well.  But I knew in my heart that wasn’t the end of the story.  I must tell you the reason why I earned that title. 

  I pushed Laura a lot.  I needed her to eat.  I would tell her, ‘Eat anything! Please just eat!’  I asked her every day, and I would ask specifically what she ate.   And when she didn’t eat, I came down on her hard. 

  At the time, I didn’t want to tell Laura why I pushed her so much.  I wasn’t ready to.  The truth is… I was okay being that hard ass.  I had to be.  Laura wouldn’t eat, everything upset her stomach.  And if she did eat, it was very little.  I ended up telling her a year later after all of chemo was done.  I told her why I was on her case so much.  That woman that Brandi was telling me about that night, the one who wouldn’t eat or drink.  She didn’t make it.   She died three weeks after she went into that hospital.  Maybe that is why this was a hard story for me to write.  My heart broke when I found out.  

  I did not know this lady; we had never met.  But every time Laura went without eating, I thought of her.  Then I remembered the promise Laura made me make.  So, I was hard, maybe not so much of an ass about it (don’t listen to what Laura may say).   But yes, I was definitely hard, even if Laura never knew the real reason why.

  The last chemo of this cycle included an education class on the next treatment plan.  This new type of chemo would take 5 hours to administer.  Oh great!  Just what you want to hear!!  The visit included time with the Doctor and an EKG test.  They wanted to rule out any problems with her heart.  Laura’s heart likes to beat a little faster than others.  I can sympathize with that, so does mine.  The Doctor prescribed her with medication to help slow her heart rate.  Before she left, he gave her one more prescription, this one for anxiety.  Hopefully, this will help.

  Laura had an appointment the next day for the Neulasta shot.  Since Laura had chemotherapy and radiation years ago, her bone marrow is a little sluggish.  It’s having a hard time keeping up.  This shot helps promote new blood cells.  They also wanted to try giving her fluids (through an IV) to see if that would help her feel better.  Not too sure if that helped.

  Ever since the very first chemo treatment, Laura has had a horrible cough.  She would cough so much and so hard it would make her throw up.  There were many times she couldn’t even get on with her day because of these coughing fits.   She carried a large box of Kleenex with her everywhere she went.  If she coughed, she usually had something to spit up.  I remember seeing her purse full to the top with used Kleenexes.  A lot of her bad days became unbearable due to this cough.

Laura would get so mad, so frustrated because of it.  She would say she just wanted to hit something!  So, one day her sister, Debbie, sent her some flowers.  Attached to the flowers was a balloon that read… Punch Me!  Perfect gift, for the perfect day!

  Finding something to eat throughout this treatment has been quite the challenge.   Laura found one place where she could tolerate the food…  Culver’s!  Her ‘go to’ meal was a fish sandwich, a few fries (no salt) followed by a small dish of ice cream.  That’s it!  We FINALLY found something she could eat!  Thank God!!  I cannot tell you how many times we have been to Culver’s, at least three or four times a week.  Sometimes even a meal ‘to go’, same exact order every time.  I’m okay with that, at least she is eating. 

  One day I thought I would get online to see if I could order Laura a Culver’s t-shirt and surprise her with it.  Shoot, we have been there so much, she might as well have a shirt!  There wasn’t any place to purchase one, so I sent an email to the customer service dept on Culver’s web page.  I gave a short reason on why I was looking for one, told them a little about Laura, then asked if they could help.  The customer service representative was out that moment, so my email got intercepted by the Regional Manager.  He wanted to know more about Laura’s story.  I explained to him how Culver’s was the only thing she would eat.  After a couple of emails back and forth, he asked me her size and said he would get back with me.  And he did.  A few days later he called me.  He had been at the main office and talked with Mr. Culver, himself.   He asked me what day Laura and I planned on meeting for lunch.  I told him any day would be fine.   We are always there!  He asked me to pick a time and day that would work best, then call him and let him know.  We agreed on Friday.  He informed me there would be a sack with Laura’s name on it waiting at our local restaurant.  He said he would like to be the one to present it to Laura, and he was hoping to bring Mr. Culver with him.  O.M.G.!!!  I wasn’t expecting that!  Instantly I became a nervous wreck!  I was just wanting to buy a t-shirt.  Oh boy!   Laura is going to kill me!   

  On Thursday, Jim, the Regional Manager, called me.  Unfortunately, he and Mr. Culver were tied up in meetings, they weren’t going to be able to make it.  For a short moment I was relieved, but then also disappointed.  Jim said there will be a District manager, along with the store manager, ready and waiting to meet with Laura.  He wished us luck, and then thanked me for reaching out to him.  He said Laura’s story touched his heart.    

  Friday morning, I sent Laura a text to make sure we were still on for lunch.  That morning the answer was yes!  A couple of hours later, Laura sent a text telling me she had other stuff going on and she wasn’t sure if she could make it.  Of all days, she has something else going on??!!  Are you kidding me???  I’m thinking to myself ‘Oh my God, not today… she has to go!’  I lied and told her I needed to talk to someone.  ‘Please meet me for lunch!’  I said, ‘I am always listening to you; I need you to listen to me.’  I knew that would work, and it did!  Whew!  Just imagine if she would have stood up Mr. Culver!  Oh Boy!! 

  Anyways, it all worked out.  Right after we sat down at our table, two gentlemen came over and introduced themselves.  The District Manager said they had a gift from the CEO of Culver’s, they would like to present to her.  They handed her a sack, inside was a t-shirt and a hat signed by Craig Culver.  He asked if it would be okay if they could take Laura’s picture before we left.   Jim and Mr. Culver would like to see it! 

  Pretty cool, Huh??  Needless to say, Culver’s got a lot of our business and Laura had a lot more fish sandwiches.

I’m glad they did this for her, she deserves it.  She is always doing nice things for others.

 Laura is one of the kindest, most caring people I know.  She is always putting other people first.  If you wanted a day off from work, you got it!  If we had a school party for the kids, she was busy making dinosaur cookies so each child would feel special. 

  Raising two daughters involved in dance and sports, Laura made sure every girl on their team received something made with care.  She is always going out of her way to make sure that everyone feels important.

  One of her daughters is now a teacher, she doubles as a coach over a group of high school girls.  On days when Laura was feeling well, she would drive 45 minutes to Rachel’s school to cheer these girls on.  She knew many of them by name, and they knew exactly who she was.  They would greet her with a hug, a smile and “HI MAMA STAGG’, we are praying for you.  You can guarantee if there was a big game, Laura made something special for them too.

 One day Laura called me.  I couldn’t hardly understand what she was saying, she was crying so hard.  This wasn’t something new.  I have grown quite accustomed to Laura calling me crying.   Most of the time it was over something stupid, like a commercial she had seen on TV or a song on the radio.  I think chemo also makes a person VERY emotional.  It does for Laura.

  Once I got Laura calmed down so I could understand what she was saying.  She told me what was going on… 

  There’s a young girl at Rachel’s school, she’s a sophomore in Rachel’s 8^th hour Biology class.  Her name is Annika.  Rachel and Annika had a special connection.  Rachel wasn’t only her teacher; she was also her friend.  Rachel shared with her class what Laura was going through, that story settled deep in Annika’s heart.  She became concerned about Laura as if she was her own.  She had empathy and love of a seasoned soul.  You knew this girl cared.

 Annika wanted to do something special for Laura.  She approached Rachel with her plan.  She made flyers and passed them out to her basketball team.  Before long, flyers were going out to everyone at school.  This sweet girl organized a fundraiser and sold t-shirts to anyone and everyone who wanted to buy one.  For the longest time I thought Annika was a girl Rachel coached on her volleyball team.  I have gone to games before with Laura, Annika was always there.  Rachel wasn’t her coach for any sport at school.  Rachel was a mentor; she was a friend.  Sometimes God puts special people in your path, and you are probably thinking God put Rachel in hers.  The truth is God put this young woman in Rachels life, He put her in Laura’s, and He put her in mine.  

  Flyers went out and money was coming in.  Teachers, staff, students, even parents wanted a shirt.  Written across the front of these shirts were the words “Team Stagg’.  It seems like everyone knew about Laura.  There was even a “Team Stagg’ day at school.  Everyone that bought a shirt, wore them.   

  Rachel came home that night and handed Laura a card.  Inside was a very sweet note and a check for several hundred dollars.  No wonder Laura couldn’t stop crying.             

 Laura didn’t know how to feel about all of this.  She said “I can’t take this money.  Why are they doing this for me?”  I said, ‘Accept it!  They love you.  They love Rachel.  This is their way of saying they care.’

  Annika, if you are reading this, I want you to know you hold a special place in Laura’s heart.  She thinks the world of you.  Thank you!

 That day Laura’s tears were uncontrollable.  There was so much joy in her heart.  She kept saying over and over and over to me, “I can’t believe this. I am SO blessed.”

  Laura was a giver, being on the receiving end was hard.  Every chemo appointment Laura went to, she took a tray of goodies for everyone to share.  She baked cookies and iced them as some kind of theme.  She made fruit trays, bought cinnamon rolls, candy and bagels.  Every single chemo day she took something with her.  This was her way of showing love and appreciation to the nurses for her care.  Laura became a bright light in a place where you didn’t see very many smiles.  I think the nurses looked forward to Laura’s treatment days a whole lot more than Laura did.

  One day Laura called me and asked for my help.  She wanted to do something for all the employees at work.  There were 22 of them, counting the morning and afternoon staff.  I shook my head when she told me what she wanted to do.   I said to her ‘Don’t you have more important things to worry about?’  I knew she was going to do what she wanted, even if she was fighting cancer.  So, I offered up my help. 

  Each week she had me deliver something just from her.  One-week flowers, another week cookies.  Sonic drinks were a must because Laura often treated the girls to her favorite drink.  Laura even took a clay pot, painted it, put Styrofoam in the bottom, and covered it all with suckers.  A sign added, with words written across the front… ‘Cancer Sucks!’  Each one delivered with a note of thanks, I miss you and much love!  Laura called this “Acts of Kindness” … I called it ‘Laura being Laura.’